In the early hours of this morning, I did something I never thought I'd do. I am usually very mildmannered. But I stormed straight out of my frontdoor into the cold air in my bright pink dressing gown, purple polka dot pyjamas and sheepskin slippers because I was so cross.
I wasn't in the street at 1am on a freezing night to give north west London an impromptu fashion show (pyjamas *are* in though right now, no?), or to nip out on an angry sortie to the offie or whatever nefarious reason you might imagine (steady at the back, there.) No, I was going straight up the steps outside my flat to ring the bell and ask my upstairs neighbour for the love of GOD and for the hundredth time asking, to STOP THE NOISE AS I'M TRYING TO GET TO SLEEP.
For some baffling reason, my upstairs neighbour and/or her flatmate seem to think it's okay to have a power shower after 11pm. Repeatedly. And after midnight. And usually 1am. And 1.15am. Then 1.20am. And 1.25am. And so on. Sometimes one after the other from 1am to 3am.
And what might sound like a reasonable hygiene precaution is actually a nightmare for me, as the wretched power shower is situated right over where I go to sleep, with no sound insulation, AND the drain is pretty much next to my head. It's like Niagara Falls over me every night. Yes, I can wear earplugs, and I do (not that I should have to - they're uncomfortable and for someone like me who has had aural health problems, unhealthy), but the vibrations still keep me awake.
These repeated power showers at stupid o'fuckingclock have had me screaming 'STOP IT NOW!' at my bathroom ceiling numerous times. I've asked nicely before, but today, I was so weary and upset I had to take action.
I won't sugarcoat it, when I went outside in my nightwear to have words, I was really, really angry. I'd snapped (clearly - no sentient being needs to see my in nightwear). This problem has been going on for more than two years, but never before have I been so incensed as to leave my lovely flat in jimjams and hammer on the door for a resolution.
So what happened? My upstairs neighbour Pat* answered the door (*to protect the innocent, I'm calling her Pat because that's her fucking name) and she looked very bashful.
"Is everything okay, Jody?"
"No. No it's not Pat, it's the shower again. I'm sorry, but I've pleaded with you before and it's really not acceptable to be having power showers right over my head in the early hours when you know it wakes me up. It's not fair and it's not neighbourly."
"I'm not having a shower though."
"Clearly, because you're stood in front of me, but someone in your flat is."
"Yes, but she like showers."
"Yes, and she keeps doing so in the early hours and I've said before it's really not on. I don't have my telly loud or put on the washing machine or have, I dunno, a rave, after 11pm because I'm nice. Come on, you live above me, it's not fair and you know it keeps me up."
"But sometimes I get home late and want to have a shower."
"What, do you work down a coal mine?! No, you're a maths teacher."
"..."
I might add here that to afford to live in the flat upstairs, Pat has rented out the other room. Which must be awful, as Pat (and her lodger) have no living room as a result. Maybe they don't think of personal space and how you're supposed to live now. And she's disregarded the terms of the lease of the building that says you can't have exposed floorboards, as this is a 19th Century building with no sound insulation. So she's exposed the floorboards. But no-one takes notice of that do they, when they're making their place look nice? So there is just some wooden floorboards and some shit plasterboard between me and my upstairs neighbour.
Perhaps the answer is the disconnect between Pat, her lodger and me, them, furious that they have no space, and that makes them disregard the noise they make when living in close proximity with other folk? Are they cross that they live, cash-strapped, cramped and angry upstairs and I've lived here for years in my nice little quiet bubble (although I am cash-strapped, cramped and angry too, but they don't know that?). Perhaps it's a cultural disconnect too. Maybe it's okay elsewhere to be up and noisy after midnight. I'd love to, but I have to get up at 7am.
Me: "Look, I've lived here for 14 years. I have never had a problem with noise from the flat upstairs before. I've really loved and got on with my upstairs neighbours before, we used to go for drinks and have fun - I never heard them upstairs! Also, seeing as we're having this conversation, playing the Andrew Lloyd Webber songbook, badly on a keyboard, before 9am on a Sunday, is also not acceptable. Please can you think about unacceptable noise you make after 11pm, and before, say, 9am at the weekend?"
*SLAM*
So there you have it. I'm not sure if this is a symptom of inner city life - or maybe it's everywhere in Britain? - and those living alongside you are increasingly not giving a shit about their neighbours.
All I know is that I dream of living in Switzerland where it is apparently illegal to make loud noise in your home ie operate washing machines, vacuums, power showers, creative pile driving etc after 10pm.
And now for godsake, just SHUT THE FUCK UP and let me sleep!
I wasn't in the street at 1am on a freezing night to give north west London an impromptu fashion show (pyjamas *are* in though right now, no?), or to nip out on an angry sortie to the offie or whatever nefarious reason you might imagine (steady at the back, there.) No, I was going straight up the steps outside my flat to ring the bell and ask my upstairs neighbour for the love of GOD and for the hundredth time asking, to STOP THE NOISE AS I'M TRYING TO GET TO SLEEP.
For some baffling reason, my upstairs neighbour and/or her flatmate seem to think it's okay to have a power shower after 11pm. Repeatedly. And after midnight. And usually 1am. And 1.15am. Then 1.20am. And 1.25am. And so on. Sometimes one after the other from 1am to 3am.
And what might sound like a reasonable hygiene precaution is actually a nightmare for me, as the wretched power shower is situated right over where I go to sleep, with no sound insulation, AND the drain is pretty much next to my head. It's like Niagara Falls over me every night. Yes, I can wear earplugs, and I do (not that I should have to - they're uncomfortable and for someone like me who has had aural health problems, unhealthy), but the vibrations still keep me awake.
These repeated power showers at stupid o'fuckingclock have had me screaming 'STOP IT NOW!' at my bathroom ceiling numerous times. I've asked nicely before, but today, I was so weary and upset I had to take action.
I won't sugarcoat it, when I went outside in my nightwear to have words, I was really, really angry. I'd snapped (clearly - no sentient being needs to see my in nightwear). This problem has been going on for more than two years, but never before have I been so incensed as to leave my lovely flat in jimjams and hammer on the door for a resolution.
So what happened? My upstairs neighbour Pat* answered the door (*to protect the innocent, I'm calling her Pat because that's her fucking name) and she looked very bashful.
"Is everything okay, Jody?"
"No. No it's not Pat, it's the shower again. I'm sorry, but I've pleaded with you before and it's really not acceptable to be having power showers right over my head in the early hours when you know it wakes me up. It's not fair and it's not neighbourly."
"I'm not having a shower though."
"Clearly, because you're stood in front of me, but someone in your flat is."
"Yes, but she like showers."
"Yes, and she keeps doing so in the early hours and I've said before it's really not on. I don't have my telly loud or put on the washing machine or have, I dunno, a rave, after 11pm because I'm nice. Come on, you live above me, it's not fair and you know it keeps me up."
"But sometimes I get home late and want to have a shower."
"What, do you work down a coal mine?! No, you're a maths teacher."
"..."
I might add here that to afford to live in the flat upstairs, Pat has rented out the other room. Which must be awful, as Pat (and her lodger) have no living room as a result. Maybe they don't think of personal space and how you're supposed to live now. And she's disregarded the terms of the lease of the building that says you can't have exposed floorboards, as this is a 19th Century building with no sound insulation. So she's exposed the floorboards. But no-one takes notice of that do they, when they're making their place look nice? So there is just some wooden floorboards and some shit plasterboard between me and my upstairs neighbour.
Perhaps the answer is the disconnect between Pat, her lodger and me, them, furious that they have no space, and that makes them disregard the noise they make when living in close proximity with other folk? Are they cross that they live, cash-strapped, cramped and angry upstairs and I've lived here for years in my nice little quiet bubble (although I am cash-strapped, cramped and angry too, but they don't know that?). Perhaps it's a cultural disconnect too. Maybe it's okay elsewhere to be up and noisy after midnight. I'd love to, but I have to get up at 7am.
Me: "Look, I've lived here for 14 years. I have never had a problem with noise from the flat upstairs before. I've really loved and got on with my upstairs neighbours before, we used to go for drinks and have fun - I never heard them upstairs! Also, seeing as we're having this conversation, playing the Andrew Lloyd Webber songbook, badly on a keyboard, before 9am on a Sunday, is also not acceptable. Please can you think about unacceptable noise you make after 11pm, and before, say, 9am at the weekend?"
*SLAM*
So there you have it. I'm not sure if this is a symptom of inner city life - or maybe it's everywhere in Britain? - and those living alongside you are increasingly not giving a shit about their neighbours.
All I know is that I dream of living in Switzerland where it is apparently illegal to make loud noise in your home ie operate washing machines, vacuums, power showers, creative pile driving etc after 10pm.
And now for godsake, just SHUT THE FUCK UP and let me sleep!