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Rise of the Adventure Honeymoon

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For previous generations a honeymoon promised little more than a hotel on a beach and the hope that housekeeping wouldn't knock too early in the morning. And that was fine for love-struck couples who probably hadn't yet experienced the ups and downs of living together.

Today's generation of honeymooners is very different. Typically, they have co-habited for many years and enjoyed a string of exotic holidays. So it's no surprise that many are looking for a different kind of thrill.

According to UK tour operators, increasing numbers of couples heading on honeymoon are demanding adventure rather than rose petals sprinkled on the bed cover. They still want romance, but they want a good dose of adrenalin mixed in.

Here's my selection of the best adventure honeymoons.

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Heli-skiing in New Zealand

You may have been skiing in the Alps, but head to New Zealand for some incredible heli-skiing amid jaw-dropping scenery. The season runs from June to October, promising powdery snow and sunny blue skies. Couples can ski up to four mountains in one day with a private helicopter to take you and your private instructor / guide to the best slopes.

Extend your trip with a few nights in Queenstown, hailed as the adventure capital of the world with white-water rafting, bungee jumping, jet boating along the Dart River and mountain biking.

How much?
Exsus offers seven nights from £2,350 per person including flights, transfers and luxury hotel accommodation. Heli-skiing is an additional £1,875 per person including lift passes and lunch.


Learn to dive in St Lucia


There's little to beat the sense of mutual trust - and achievement - from learning to scuba dive together. You can be dive buddies for life! The delightful Anse Chastanet hotel in St Lucia offers couples a Romance Below and Beyond experience - a shared beginners course just for the two of you - and your instructor. You can even leave your honeymoon with a PADI Open Water certification after a five-day course.

How much?
A week at Anse Chastanet costs from £1,595 per person half-board including flights and transfers with Caribtours. The beginner's course, including a DVD, costs $375 (approx. £220 plus 10% service charge and 10% VAT).

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Climb Adam's Peak in Sri Lanka

The classic two-centre honeymoon of Sri Lanka and the Maldives combines culture, wildlife and adventure with plenty of R&R on the beach after your adventures. For added spice and a physical challenge, you can climb Adam's Peak in Sri Lanka - it's an adrenalin-packed six-hour climb undertaken at night in the company of a local guide.

See the sun rise from the mythical mountain peak as you enjoy a champagne breakfast - an experience that you'll reminisce about throughout your married life. Other Sri Lanka activities include wildlife safaris in Yala National Park and climbing the rock fortress of Sigiriya.

How much?
Barefoot Traveller offers a two-week honeymoon combining a week in Sri Lanka and a week in the Maldives from £2,779 per person including half-board in Sri Lanka and B&B in a luxury resort in the Maldives, flights, transfers and sight seeing. The Adam's Peak climb costs an additional £65 each.

Sea-kayaking in Turkey

Take to the water on a sea-kayaking safari along Turkey's deserted Lycian coastline from Ucagiz to Aperlai, exploring ancient ruins, sarcophagi and medieval towns and villages from the water and camping on a deserted wild beach. At the end of your two-day sea kayak safari, retreat to a luxury pool house at the boutique Deniz Feneri Lighthouse and relax in your private pool with views over the Aegean Sea.

How much?
Exclusive Escapes offers a two-day sea-kayaking safari and overnight wild camp from £220 per person including all meals. Seven nights' B&B in a pool house at Deniz Feneri Lighthouse costs from £1,425 per person including return flights, transfers and a day's gulet cruise.

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A real desert island in Indonesia

Make like Robinson Crusoe in the middle of the Karimunjawa Archipelago, between the Indonesian islands of Java and Borneo. From Kura Kura private island, home to a gorgeous barefoot resort, you can arrange a boat to take you to Krakal Island for a back-to-basics stay in total isolation. There's no electricity or kitchen facilities on the island - light is provided by lamps and candles. Kura Kura guests can hike up to the incredible crater-lake of Rinjani Volcano, one of the highest volcanoes in the eastern hemisphere.

How much?
Black Tomato offers an 11-night honeymoon to Indonesia including a stay on Krakal Island from £3,679 per person including flights, half-board accommodation, activities, and transfers.

Hang-gliding in Andalucia

How does a honeymoon in a traditional gypsy wagon, spiced up with a free hang-gliding flight grab you? Casa del Mundo is home to a handful of charming and characterful gypsy wagons, each individually furnished to reflect a different part of the world from the Bosphorus to the Punjab, Zambia to Sumatra. The Alicante coast is nearby with scuba diving on offer or head for the hills for hiking or horse rising, try the local Via Ferrata or go caving.

How much?
Canopy & Stars offers stays at Casa del Mundo from £51 per room per night on a self-catering basis. Hang-gliding costs about £40 per person including a film to take home. Flights to Alicante are not included.

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Trekking in Nepal

It's challenging and not for the faint-hearted but a trek to the 'Roof of the World' in the Himalaya Mountains is hard to top. You'll view Mount Everest itself and combine sheer hard physical effort with stays in comfortable trekking lodges and hotels wherever possible.

How much?
Audley Travel offers 18 nights from around £4,000 per person including all meals on the 10-day trek, guide, porters, flights, transfers and excursions in Kathmandu.

Elephant Caravan in Laos

Love elephants? Book an unforgettable honeymoon centred around the Elephant Conservation Center in Laos, reached only by small boat. You will not only can go trekking on elephant back but will also learn about the work of the resident vets, Mahouts and villagers in caring for these animals, many of whom are recovering from logging-related injuries. Help with bathing and feeding the animals, and stay in camps each night.

How much?
Selective Asia offers five-days from £1,440 per person beginning and ending in Luang Prabang. Stay-on options include the beaches of Thailand or Vietnam.

Climb Mount Kilimanjaro

Imagine the sense of achievement and bragging rights when you get back home - spend six days climbing up to Uhuru Peak atop Kilimanjaro, the highest point in Africa. You don't need to be an experienced climber on the Rongai route, a more gentle option than some and you will be accompanied throughout by expert guides and porters. Catch your breath afterwards with on a beautiful beach at Kenya's Breezes Beach Club.

How much?
Rainbow Tours offers the 7-night Kili experience and 4 nights on the beach in Zanzibar from £3,300 per person including flights, accommodation, transfers and some meals.

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Pacuare Lodge in Costa Rica

Accessible only by raft, Pacuare Lodge in Costa Rica has managed to combine a hidden rainforest setting with all the comforts of a luxury hotel. Best described as an idyllic riverside jungle lodge, there are myriad rainforest activities to enjoy before returning to your stylish palm-thatched cabin for an evening of fine wine and excellent food. White-water rafting, zip-wiring, kayaking and hiking to visit the indigenous Cabecar community are some of the highlights.

How much?
I-escape offers rooms from £333 per night on an all-inclusive adventure package. Flights are not included.

Tiger safari in India

Explore the Indian jungles - both leafy and urban - on this spectacular safari honeymoon. Explore pulsating Delhi and Mumbai as well as visiting the Taj Mahal, before heading to four of central India's wildest national parks for the chance to see the Royal Bengal Tiger and other wildlife.

How much? A 14-night private tour costs around £2,500 per person excluding international flights with Enchanting India.

Orlando

You don't have to head out to the wilds for an adrenaline rush. Hole up in the Disney Grand Floridian Resort & Spa as you plan which theme park rides to enjoy each day. Highly recommended for thrills and spills are the Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit rollercoaster, the new Transformers The Ride-3D and The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man (which includes a virtual 400ft freefall experience) - all at Universal Florida, Orlando. If you're honeymooning in 2015, head to Busch Gardens for Falcons Fury - it will be the tallest freestanding drop tower in North America.

How much?
Seven nights at Disney's Grand Floridian Resort & Spa costs from £1,189 per person including flights and transfers with American Sky.

How to Scare a Woman Away in Five Easy Steps

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Like most women, I have spent the majority of my dating life in a cycle that looks something like this-meet a man I'm interested in, go on a few more dates, get completely turned off by something he does, find myself alone again, eat a lot of ice cream.

That pretty much sums it up.

I don't think I'm alone in this, both men and women experience this cycle, it's a little something called "dating." However, since I can only speak for the ladies, there are quite a few commonalities between the things men did that turned me off, it's as if they all read the same dating advice book claiming to know what women want. Well, I'm here to tell you that the book lied and you should definitely get a refund. Here are the top 5 things that men do that scare a woman away.

1. Focusing on Sex.

You're a guy, you have sex on the brain... we get it. So do most women, for that matter, but that doesn't mean it is all we can talk or think about. If you are constantly talking about sex, joking about sex, making sexual innuendos, asking for more physical contact, being overly touchy, or asking inappropriate questions, etc, a woman is going to think that you don't want to go out with her at all-you're just a horndog who wants to get laid. Let sexual tension build naturally, it's way more fun that way.

2. Tell Us How Terrible Your Ex Is.

A good general rule for both men and women is to never talk about your ex when you're dating someone new. Just don't! If you're single and emotionally available, that is all that really matters, at least in the beginning. Should you commit to a serious relationship with someone, then you can tell the sordid tale (..if you must and it's relevant), without coming across like a needy, scarred, obsessed jilted lover. Win, win.

3. Playing Games.

Long gone are the days when a woman would ever just sit around and wait for a guy to call, wondering where he is and what he's doing. Thanks to social media, we no longer have to wonder if you fell off a cliff or fell into another woman's arms...chances are the story is played out in real time on Instagram or Facebook. The jig is up. If you say you're going to call, call. If you don't want to see each other again, be upfront about it. Most women are not going to wait by their phones with baited breath anymore-we've got too many options and less time than ever!

4. Stalker Behavior.

It's sweet when a guy is really interested in a woman, and takes time to learn about her, pay attention to her and really seem to care about her day to day life. However, some men take interest to slightly creepy levels. Things like: Showing up at her house or workplace unannounced, friend requesting her friends and family on Facebook, reading her text messages or emails, asking interrogating questions about her male friends...you've jumped the gap from sweet to creep.

5. Demanding Commitment.

If you've met a truly awesome girl, it makes sense that you'd want to cement her as "yours" as soon as possible to make sure another dude doesn't scoop her up first. However, it's crucial that the woman you're dating feels the same way before you start asking her to change her Facebook status to "in a relationship with..." or introducing her to your family. Too much, too soon, can leave a woman feeling like you want to control her, which will do nothing more than make her change her number and run for the hills!

This Shows The Cruel Gulf Between Facebook Status Updates And Actual Reality

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Scrolling down your Facebook news feed can make you feel pretty bad about your own life as you sit cheek to jowl on the train next to someone who seems politically against deodorant.

There Dave is, eating sushi at the most exclusive restaurant in town, or Amanda is dipping her smug toes in the Caribbean sea. But are they?

This brilliant video from Shaun Higton sums up what we already know about Facebook life and real life (having maybe doctored a few photos and been a bit extravagant with the truth ourselves)...

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Tell us your Facebook porkers in the comments below...

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SEE ALSO:

Overheard In Waitrose Is Our New Favourite Facebook Page

The Degeneration of Facebook in 10 Statuses

Festival Sex: Top Tips On How To Get Frisky In A Tent

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If the legendary Woodstock festival is anything to go by - with its mix of sex, drugs, rock n' roll and limited showers - festivals are supposed to be hedonistic affairs, where people truly let their hair down.

So why is it that whenever someone broaches the idea of having sex at festivals - God forbid - we return to British prudishness and turn up our noses?

In truth, many more people are 'at it' than would let on. (Trust me, I've heard them.)

"Festivals create the perfect atmosphere for sex," says Susan Quilliam, Durex Sex and Relationship Spokesperson. "The anonymity in a crowd allows people to let go, the energy means passions can rise and snuggling up in a tent can lead to all sorts of things."

SEE ALSO:

'Lick This' App: Learn To Give Women Oral Sex By Slobbering On Your Phone

17 Sex Facts That Will Make You Laugh, Gasp (Not In A Good Way) And Possibly Vomit #NSFW



So why is having sex at festival so taboo?

Alix Fox, Durex Real Feel Sexpert, says that many fear for festival goers clarity of judgement.

"At festivals indulge in booze, powders and potions, and are less in control. Many fear intoxication may lead to bad decisions about sex or undignified behaviour," she says.

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That said, when practised with caution, it can be bloody good fun. So here are some top tips for having sex at a festival...

Keep it safe...

If you're going to get intimate with a stranger you should wear protection - surely this goes without saying. But even if you're in a relationship using condoms at festivals is a great way to reduce post-sex mess.

"No-one wants to spend the night laying inside a squelchy sleeping bag or trying to avoid the wet patch on the roll mat after an intense in-tent seduction session," says Alix.

Condom packets can also be easily damaged, she adds, so be careful to inspect them before you use them.

"If you do have unprotected sex then get emergency contraception from the onsite medical team," says Susan. "They will also be able to give you more general sexual health advice."

Keep it clean...

With limited access to showers (you dirty lot) hygiene is something to keep in mind. Especially if you've only just met your lover, God knows the last time they had a wash.

"Cleansing before and after sexual contact is a must if you don't want to risk infection, so use water and tissues liberally, or wet wipes (fragrance-free ones to avoid allergies)," says Susan.

Make it enjoyable...

"Festival sex could well be speedy sex - so make sure you're choosing easy-to-access clothes," says Susan.

"Limited space in tents means that vigorous, acrobatic, sexy-flexy bend-me-like-a-pretzel lovemaking probably won’t be on the agenda," adds Alix.

Both Alix and Susan recommend simple missionary or 'spooning' sex - "Both lie on your sides and allow him to enter you from behind," says Susan.

How not to get caught...

Part of the thrill may be the risk of getting caught, but for most being caught red-handed in the act is enough to turn them off.

"The best approach is to keep the location as private as possible - in your tent or van," says Susan

"When it comes to sex toys, they're a good idea only if they're pretty noise-free - otherwise you could find that when the music dies everyone can hear your vibrator buzz."

Durex offer a whole range of sex toys to maximise pleasure, such as Play Delight and Play Vibrations See here for their full range.

If You Want a Photo With a Wild Animal, Take a Selfie on Safari...

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Now summer is in full swing, social media sites are becoming quickly clogged up with holiday snaps of glorious beaches and scenery to lament over.

But there's another photo appearing across British profile pages that we should all be concerned about.

This year especially, I have noticed an increase in the number of people uploading photos of themselves posing next to lion and tiger cubs, hugging a baby gibbon, or riding a majestic elephant.

Except the truth behind this increasingly popular tourist activity is disturbing.

While many tourists pride themselves on checking the 'ethics' of a wildlife centre abroad, even more are easily persuaded that all is fine - when in fact, we have to just take their word for it.

Take this example. In South Africa, there are fewer than 4000 lions left in the world but more than 8000 in captivity - held in what's known as 'canned hunting'.

Canned hunting, acording to the Campaign Against Canned Hunting (CACH) is 'where the target animal is unfairly prevented from escaping the hunter, either by physical constraints (fencing) or by mental constraints (tame, habituated to humans)'.

This is a cruel and toxic industry which basically allows the hunter a guaranteed trophy.

But the lions are kept in enclosures and mentally constrained - unnerved by the presence of strangers close by.

Many South Africans believe canned hunting has been banned but, unfortunately, only certain elements of the hunt have been.

However, tourists can also get caught up in a trade they often have no idea even exists. Cuddling and walking with lion cubs in South Africa is big business. But the cubs used have usually been taken from their mothers at too young an age - when they are just a few days to about three weeks old. Tourists are told they can walk with them, feed them, play and even cuddle them for a fee in so called 'conservation projects'.

Those who dare to ask questions are told the cubs were orphaned and will be rehabilitated when they are older.

But the sad truth is, that these cubs have been rented or will often be sent on to establishments where canned hunting takes place - they have become tame enough and docile enough to be around humans, and they will never have known the glories of the wild.

Recently, I saw a photo of a friend with a tiger cub - lying sleepily by her knees as she crouched down, beaming for a photo for Facebook.

While the place she visited may be ethically sound, cubs that are exceptionally sleepy and appear almost lifeless in tourist photos should be a cause for concern. This 'peaceful sleep' is actually a drugged cub - injected with chemicals to become docile and safe for tourists eager to give the cuddly youngster a cuddle.

This abuse and mistreatment of animals for the pleasures of tourism is horrific and it needs to stop.

Tourists often believe they are visiting an animal sanctuary or conservation project. But one must wonder,why cubs would be allowed to be cuddled by a different stranger everyday - when most sanctuaries and conservation centres want to bring up cubs in the hope of one day releasing them back into the wild.

What is even more tragic, is that if most tourists knew the truth behind the trade they would never even consider paying for such a wild 'experience'.

The bottom line is - if you want a photo with a wild animal, take a selfie of yourself on safari and leave the cubs where they belong - in the wild.

For more information visit: http://bigcatrescue.org/abuse-issues/issues/pet-cubs/ or Care for the Wild International's Right Tourism campaign page: http://right-tourism.com/

Why Feminists Owe Amanda Knox Nothing

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In May the Huffington Post published an article titled Where Are All The Feminists? Why Amanda Knox's Story Is About More Than Murder. Lisa Marie Basile begins her piece: "Amanda Knox is innocent of murder," before going on to suggest that Knox was targeted only because she was "sexually active and good looking". The reason Basile cares? Because she is "a human and a feminist."

I am also a human and a feminist. I too believe that Knox suffered inexcusably sexist treatment by the media. I also happen to believe that she is unequivocally guilty. As someone who has followed this case for many years, I take offence to the misinformation that riddles Basile's article. Where, Basile wonders as she laments Knox's fate, are all the feminists?

We're right here, Lisa. Basile's implication - that those convinced of Knox's guilt do so because of gender prejudice - is laughable. Not only does it demonstrate astonishing ignorance of the facts of this case, but Basile's entire article is suggestive of the role her own prejudice plays in forming her opinion of guilt or innocence.

Basile is correct that the issue of sexism towards Knox should be addressed. Continually portrayed as a sexual object by the media, the fact that Knox deigned to enjoy casual sex was held up as an indication of her deviancy, and when the press discovered that she kept a vibrator in full view in the bathroom, you could almost hear the collective intake of breath.

The media's unwavering determination to paint Kercher and Knox as Madonna/Whore figures is also troubling. While Knox has been portrayed as manipulative and sadistic, Kercher has become virginal, passive, saint-like. This is unsettling. Would Kercher's death be any less tragic had she shared Knox's penchant for casual sex? Does a woman's sexuality make her guilty? Does her presumed virginity redeem her? Kercher was an innocent victim, regardless of her sexuality; she does not need to be canonised for this murder case to be any more tragic than it already is.

However, as shameful as the prejudiced handling of the "Foxy Knoxy" persona was, it has no bearing on the evidence against her. The vast majority of people who believe Knox is guilty do not figure her sexuality into their reasoning. Her sex life has zero bearing on my belief of her guilt, nor, I doubt, the opinion of the 20+ judges who have found her guilty. Her two convictions have nothing to do with vibrators, Satanism, cartwheels or kisses, but the mountain of evidence against her. Evidence Basile simply ignores.

To claim, "There is no credible evidence" against Knox is absurd. It is actually ludicrous. Basile dismisses 10,000 pages of it as neither credible nor realistic without even acknowledging it, imparting a string of passionate pro-Knox statements that are criminally unsubstantiated.

What Basile misses is the point that were Knox unattractive, let alone a minority or male, she would have a fraction of the support she has. People want to explain the evidence away, or ignore it completely as Basile does, precisely because they don't want to think a nice pretty white girl could commit a crime like this. Basile has conveniently neglected the fact that Knox's femininity and attractiveness have helped her far more than hindered her, because in order to believe Amanda Knox, you have to overlook the following:

Her DNA mixed with Kercher's blood in five spots; Knox's fresh blood, and Kercher's blood, smeared in the bathroom; Sollecito's DNA on Kercher's bra; Knox's DNA on the handle of the murder weapon, Kercher's on the blade; the footprints matching the bare feet of Knox that contain her DNA mixed with Kercher's; the staged crime scene with glass on TOP of the clothes and a near impossible window entry point; Knox's false accusation of her employer; her total lack of alibi and multiple lies; the phone and computer records that prove dishonesty; her utterly implausible account of the morning after the murder; the frantic call she made to her mother in the middle of the night that she "forgets" making; her email home; the witness testimony; the fact Knox knew multiple details about the murder she couldn't possibly have known; the evidence suggesting Kercher's body was moved and the scene staged hours after her death when Rudy Guede, the third person convicted of the murder, was long gone.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of evidence but is just an indication of how embarrassing these "no evidence" claims are. Blind ignorance of the subtleties of this case seems to have spread across a great deal of America like some kind of mental epidemic. What has prompted this trust of Knox, so entirely out of place considering she is a convicted liar and slanderer? Even the 2011 appeal that acquitted her (and was subsequently thrown out by the Supreme Court for being inaccurate, illogical and biased) increased her sentence in this respect. The urge to believe the Italian courts have now twice convicted two young people without evidence is shocking and reeks of xenophobia.

Basile then tries to defend Knox's "false confession": "We should remember that Knox was interrogated for many hours without food or water [and] slapped and screamed at in Italian," she writes sympathetically. What nonsense. It is a fact that Knox's interview was at most two hours long; minimal research would have told Basile that the torturous, lengthy interrogation story was utterly fabricated. So fabricated that her parents face criminal defamation charges for claiming otherwise.

More importantly, this wasn't a false confession now was it; it was the flagrant false accusation of an innocent man. As soon as Knox learned of Sollecito's alibi withdrawal for her (another fact conveniently ignored by her supporters and Basile), out came the finger of blame, the same finger she kept pointed at her employer for over two weeks while he languished in jail. Two weeks. This was not a "false confession" blurted out on impulse: Knox let an innocent man suffer for a fortnight.

Basile gives free pass after free pass to Knox, justifying her lies, excusing her behaviour, dismissing the evidence. Why? Why is Knox's word enough?

She may argue this: "There was no hair, fibre, footprint, shoe print, handprint, palm print, fingerprint, sweat, saliva, DNA of Amanda Knox in the room where Meredith Kercher was killed," as her attorney stated. "That tells you unassailably that she is innocent."

Sounds compelling. That is until you realise that applying that logic to all the evidence, rather than just that which incriminates Knox, presents quite the conundrum:

"There was no hair, fibre, footprint, shoe print, handprint, palm print, fingerprint, sweat, saliva, DNA of Rudy Guede in the blood-stained bathroom where there is the blood and DNA of Knox. That tells you unassailably that Guede did not do the crime alone."

Or this:

"There was no hair, fibre, footprint, shoe print, handprint, palm print, fingerprint, sweat, saliva, of Knox in the bedroom where she slept...That tells you unassailably that Knox never even lived in the cottage."

Aside from the inaccuracies throughout, what grates most about Basile's piece is the title, the suggestion that feminists have failed Knox. What total short-sightedness; what utter blindness to the sensitivities of this case. Feminists owe Knox nothing and to suggest we do is ignorant and insulting. She had a hard time in the press, yes, but frankly it's not the point. I too have been angered by what the media too often chooses to focus on, but for entirely opposing reasoning: it allows her supporters to deflect the actual issue. It allows them to gloss over the unequivocally incriminating evidence that Amanda Knox either murdered Meredith Kercher herself or, at the very least, played a devastating part.

Her "Foxy Knoxy" status is an irrelevance. No one has "failed" her. She has failed herself, and she fails the Kercher family each and every day she protests her innocence. There is only one female victim here - Meredith Kercher - and how dare Basile allow Knox's PR spin, and her own wilful ignorance, to conceal that.

There Really Can Be Beauty in a Mid-Life Crisis

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What do you think when you hear the term mid-life crisis? A quick survey amongst a few of my friends and colleagues brought up, fast cars, affairs with 22 year olds, crisis and difficulties - quite a negative opinion.

According to a recent study conducted jointly by the University or Warwick and LSE (http://www2.warwick.ac.uk/fac/soc/economics/research/workingpapers/2014/twerp_1037_oswald.pdf - if you are interested) the mid-life crises is a statistical fact, not just a made-up-by-the-media phenomenon. But what if that time in a person's life were to be seen differently? Perhaps less as a crisis and more as an opportunity for growth.

Often with the people that I work, fast cars don't really feature and it's more subtle than the cliché above. People instead wake up to the realisation that they are perhaps depressed or often deeply unfulfilled or are questioning who they are and where they're at in their life. Some people report that they feel as if that they have been living a life that perhaps was imagined and created when they were younger, with different ideals and values and that are out of sync with the person they are today, or more often than not, a life that 'happened to them' rather than one they actively dreamt up. Sometimes a realisation of this is sparked by a big life event such as the loss of a parent or elderly relative, being made redundant or a relationship breakdown and often an internal 'crisis' begins.

I was recently talking to an acquaintance who was telling me about his mid life situation and how depressed he feels. He described being really down about his job, which he has been in for many years but which he has never felt happy or particularly fulfilled in. He feels lonely, unable to communicate with the people at work in the way he would like, and a bit ostracised. He is also worried that he is still not getting over the breakdown of his marriage. Life looks bad to him right now and until our conversation he hadn't dared to dream of the possibility that he could create his experience in a different way.

I have many coaching and therapy clients who are in a similar situation and I myself have experienced it too - of waking up to the fact that they are living half the life they imagined or finding themselves freshly having been made redundant or divorced and feeling like life is at a crisis point. These situations often give an individual a sense of being out of control and often highlight negative beliefs that might have been lurking under the surface and that can now seem debilitating. Depression is common in these times.

But what if we and were taught and accepted that at some point around our 40's we will probably want and even need a reassessment? If we bought a car and drove it for 20 years it would feel old and out of date. At some point we would be looking to update it and until that point we would be servicing it regularly. Why then don't we do that with our lives? How much more effort and research do you put into purchasing a new car than you do into creating the life you want, the relationship that you want or the career that fulfils you? To what extent are you responding to what life throws at you rather than putting out there what you want and taking control?

This brings me on to the concept of creation vs. reaction. It's a simple thought that often gets forgotten. Steve Chandler often talks about this in his books and puts it simply when he says "You can create your own plans in advance so that your life will respond to you. If you can hold the thought that at all times your life is either a creation or a reaction, you can continually remind yourself to be creating and planning."

Are you doing that - really? Are you living the best life you can, or is life biting you on the bottom as you react to what just seems to happen to you?

It's not the truth, but an interesting thought that if you had already been assessing and creating as you went along would that solve the mid-life crises phenomenon? If you deeply knew that things might be working right now, but at some point in the future you might begin to feel differently, and that's ok because if you are awake to this you can redress the balance, wouldn't you feel better? Wouldn't you have less of a crisis but more of a sense of opportunity and growth? Wouldn't you even look for the challenges within that in order to have that better life right now?

Often in order to reach all the wonderful possibilities of a new life there comes a point where you get an opportunity to let go of some of the old. Old thoughts, old feelings, old expectations - whatever it is that is no longer serving you in your life. Have you ever been to a butterfly house where you can see the caterpillar at various stages of metamorphosis? I doubt that a caterpillar knows that once it has spent up to a year inside the chrysalis and then chomping it's way out, it will emerge as a beautiful butterfly. It's a pretty amazing yet huge process and if it were just to wake up and see one day that it had spent 6 months inside that and then chewing through a brown leafy-like thing, not knowing why or how it got there, it might feel a little down. However, if someone said when it was young (and it had an amazingly large caterpillar understanding), "Right Mr Caterpillar, at some point in your life you are going to get a really great time to hang out for a while to give you an opportunity to just be, before an incredible, magical transformation will happen and you'll be free to enjoy a whole new lease of life". That would be a whole different experience, right? There would be no depression or fear there because he would be excited about what was coming. He might not be able to imagine that world, but he could look around at the others who had already become butterflies and admire their beauty and flight and look forward to the day that he would do the same. He might even use his time to do a little preparation and learn some stuff about how to be a butterfly.

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So back to the creation of your life - if you were to stop and assess, and to begin to create life as you would like it to be what would you do? Who would you begin to be? What would you ask for? The first step is to dare to dream. The next step is to deal with any blocks to your being able to get the life you want. The rest comes from that.

Really it's all about fulfilment and being the best you can be, for you. So here's something to think about:

"Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable fulfilment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart." Martin Luther King Jr.

Just remember, life is exciting when you're really living it and we all need guidance along the way. We are all on a journey so why not make it the best journey it can be?

I'd love to hear what you think and how things are for you. You can either leave a comment below or send me a message via my website here.

Gut Instincts...

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Here's a personal question. Have you ever been constipated for a week? How about for up to 4 days on a regular (oh the irony) basis? I have. And it's horrible. Admittedly, this isn't the nicest or most popular of discussions, but it's something that has recently led to me making a lifestyle change. To put it bluntly, I had no choice. After years of putting up with very irregular 'movements', feeling knackered all the time, getting random rashes, feeling bloated & more recently having sore chapped lips for a whole ruddy month, I'd had enough.

Let's go back to the start. About 5 years ago, I had tests for a whole host of ailments that led to a ultrasound on my stomach. Having been told I had a 'sluggish left gut', the advice was to follow a gluten free diet. I tried, managed it for a bit and felt great for it, then fell face first into a large Meat Feast Pizza. Then I dived into a big dirty cake, before topping it off with MANY Chinese takeaways, and Pies. Pie. God, I bloody love Pie. I knew full well my body, and gut, utterly repelled gluten. But, because I'm a massive foodie, & a total pig, this knowledge was stuffed to the back of my greedy little mind & replaced with gluten engorged feasts. Sometimes, guilt would creep in & I'd stick, for random periods of time, to a gluten free diet. Pasta was a total no go zone, and on the rare occasions I allowed myself bread, it was only a small amount, for example at the start of a meal on holiday. However, for some stupid reason, earlier this year I started eating more bread, even more cake and finally allowed myself some Tagliatelle. Big mistake. HUGE.

I didn't go for almost a week. The stomach cramps were awful, I felt terrible & no amount of sleep was enough. Then came the rashes & chapped lips. The worst part of it was having to explain my predicament to my new, super hot boyfriend. The conversation went something like this - 'Yeah, so we can't go to our favourite BBQ place anymore...' 'Why?' 'BECAUSE I HAVEN'T HAD A C**P FOR A WEEK'. Oh the shame. The pure, unadulterated, excruciating embarrassment. Hell, if I'd had a sandpit, I'd've made like an Ostrich and buried my head in it. Thankfully his reaction, after the initial 'Ewwwwww', was actually rather wonderful. 'Well, if you can't eat gluten then I won't either'. Super cute eh? He's a keeper.

Since then, I've stuck to a totally gluten free diet. I'm not going to pretend to like it. I don't. I miss Spring Rolls and Cheese & Ham Croissants in a major way. Gluten free equivalents of my favourite foods are ok, and I applaud their very existence, but it's just not the same. There's still lots to try though, so you never know! Was it the right thing to do though? Absolutely. 100 per cent. The positives far outweigh the negative. The chapped lips have healed, the skin rashes haven't returned, my sleeping pattern is much better, I don't bloat and I have so much more energy! The best part of it all? I'm no longer constipated. I go every single day. Sometimes TWICE. Forgive me if that sounds crass, but it makes me feel better than any bowl of Tagliatelle ever could.

How Walking - and Laurie Lee - Got Me Back on My Feet From Illness

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In 1934 a Gloucestershire boy strode out to London, 'nineteen years old, still soft at the edges, but with a confident belief in good fortune.' Laurie Lee, who would have turned 100 this week, described this epic journey - which eventually saw him trekking the length of Spain - in 1969's As I Walked Out One Midsummer Morning.

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Laurie Lee on the road in 1934 (Image courtesy of the Laurie Lee Estate)




I discovered his lush, sense-exploding prose in my teens, when I too longed to escape the cosseting boundaries of home. Reading his portrait of rural childhood, Cider with Rosie, was like rolling in pollen: shrouded in sticky verbal petals you found yourself up close to deliciously minute details, your mind suddenly free and fertile; open to its own imaginings.

I grew up not in a cut-off Cotswold valley 'where the summer vegetation grows with all the matted fierceness of the Burmese jungle', but just past London's north-west lip, in the '80s and '90s. The Metropolitan Green Belt, though buckled and pierced by roaring motorways and A roads, still held fragments of a pastoral, pre-metropolitan age. We picked dripping armfuls of strawberries at Blackbirds Farm; heard the slow, approaching chime of the Radlett rag and bone man; and, on the traffic-laden crawl up Elstree Hill to school, watched morning-eyed ponies nuzzling the stiles.

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The Green Belt: fragments of a pastoral age (Image Colette Bernhardt)




More and more, I was drawn to big, unpeopled spaces. The farmland behind our house - swaying with wheat one year, electric yellow with rape the next - was good for roaming, or sitting thinking for hours on the riverbank (where I was once mistaken for a corpse). When exams loomed, or I felt especially disenchanted with life, I considered tearing off into those fields, and, like Lee, just walking and walking... If I kept going surely I'd reach no-man's-land, far from bewildering humanity?

Then, at exactly the age Lee left home, I moved out, to Brighton. Here, amongst artists, gays and hippies, I finally found people who 'got' me, and I them. I also found a vast, intoxicating terrain that offered genuinely unending walks, and an escape from everyone and everything: the South Downs. Against its swooping, desolate hills and wooded heaths, my birthplace seemed flat; polluted; full of pylons, and was largely forgotten.

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The South Downs: a vast, intoxicating terrain (Image Colette Bernhardt)


Over 15 years I tramped further and deeper into the mythical places around me: Mount Caburn, bulging with Iron-Age burial pits; Kingley Vale, with its vast, wizened yew trees; and Lullington Heath, where rare orchids and wild goats emerged in the grasses if you waited long and quietly enough.

But last year, without warning, the unthinkable happened. I was struck down with chronic fatigue syndrome, and within months could barely make it down my street. Once a healthy, striding 34-year-old, now I had the vigour of a withering crone. So I returned to South Hertfordshire and my parents - now in a bungalow outside St Albans - in early spring, my only landscape the curve of faded, childhood pillows and the countours of the old embossed wallpaper.

Confounded by this poorly understood illness, my nervous system firing messages out like bombs, I became mollusc-like, doing less and less each day. But human bodies are built for movement, and inactivity only made mine frailer and more befuddled. By this time last year it was exhausting and painful to speak, write or hold a book - Mum read me bursts of Lee's A Rose for Winter - and my daily two-minute walks had dwindled to a handful of seconds.

In the brief spaces between my lie-downs, my loving but helpless parents arranged cushioned seats in the garden, alight with summer blooms. But I no longer belonged to the outside world; I lived in a dark, foreboding place that increasingly seemed, as Lee once wrote of his epilepsy, 'a tiny rehearsal for death'.

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My only landscape: childhood pillows and embossed wallpaper (Image Colette Bernhardt)




More than anything - work, social contact, my now relinquished flat - I yearned for the simple act, never before questioned, of leaving the house to go somewhere else. Those downland strolls; each chalk-stubbed path, each spike of yellow gorse still acid sharp in my mind, took on a totemic poignancy. People talked of recovery, yet it showed no signs of happening, and it seemed entirely possible that I might never walk anywhere again. I began to wonder if it was worth staying alive.

But then help arrived: a specialist NHS physio and occupational therapist showed me how to build my strength in tiny increments. After a few weeks I could hobble to the end of the garden: about 15 metres. Two weeks later I made the bottom of the road. They were small yet significant steps, and I soon saw that it was walking, easy to measure and crucial to the entire ministration of the body, that would bring me back to life.

Making the increases was a fraught process; my body was fragile, my symptoms fluctuated greatly, and the fear of worsening always loomed. Yet as I walked further, other faculties fell into place: I no longer talked in a whisper, I could hold a pen for more than a paragraph, I could sit up for more than an hour. And I was edging closer to the old me, reaping dusty apples by the Park Street roadside, or trampling November leaves in a Shenley meadow.

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Trampling November leaves in Shenley (Image Colette Bernhardt)




Still, I remained fettered by sadness. I might not be housebound, but escape from my suburban surrounds depended on other people's lifts, and my time-limited walks on the tinny bleeps of a digital watch. Once, through the car window, I spied a mud-drenched horse - head down, back bent, still as a chess piece - and saw all the grief of existence in its sunken haunches.

And then, at the end of March, I made the 30-minute mark - a milestone, literally - and things started to change. I could reach - and walk a smidgeon of - the field-skirting footpath to Park Street station, where a bay mare and her foal rolled in the sun. I sniffed daffodils and distant fires, rape seed just beginning to pepper the air. I remembered, after 15 eternal months, how a decent-length ramble clears the mess out of your head, problems falling away like petals.

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Managing a 30-minute walk - finally (Image Colette Bernhardt)




Now I'm chalking up three miles a day, and, like a long-wintering fern, life is unfurling back out. I'm still far from 'recovered', but can make out visible landmarks in the distance, some of them startlingly beautiful. And I'm exploring a new territory, the one where I was born, but did not stay long enough to really know.

While my Sussex treks comprised odd day-trips when workloads were low and weather was fine, now I walk daily, as folk did in Lee's day, becoming entwined with the landscape through necessity. More than ever before, walking is a compulsion, and this summer I intend, slowly but surely, to get further and further, till I forget 'everything but the road ahead' and my body moves 'steadily, effortlessly, hour after hour, in a kind of swinging, weightless dream.'

Finally, I have the chance to see what lies in all those fields I once dreamed of escaping to. I will stride out right from my door, here in Hertfordshire, watched by red kites, shadowy newts and morning-eyed ponies.

Madonna Wears a Burqa! Katy Perry Dresses Like a Geisha Girl! Pharrelle Dons a Feather Headdress! So What?

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If words could come to life, "appropriation" would arrive promptly on time, dressed in a grey suit, pushing a standard regulation pencil, telling everyone to stop doing that, it's not appropriate.

It's the ultimate party pooper, especially if it's a costume party, and woe betide you come dressed in anything your lineage does not implicitly give you the cultural right to be seen in.

I couldn't tell you exactly when the word left the domain of stuffy academia and infiltrated everyday speak, but I noticed it becoming increasingly commonplace around the time Katy Perry deigned to dress up as a Geisha on her tour. The Twitterati were up in arms: Katy Perry who she fink she is dissin' on da japs lol #culturalappropriation.

It happened again the other day. Pharrelle Williams was found guilty of wearing a feather headdress. Hold the front page. The front page in question, it's worth noting, belonged to Elle, a women's magazine still licking its wounds for its embarrassing decision of turning its cover black and white when it featured Mindy Kaling earlier this year, and here they were, featuring not just a man, but a black man at that. There were enough points being made in that photoshoot that day without anyone worrying about his choice of headwear. Pharrelle likes hats, here's a colourful one, what's the worst that could happen?

Pharelle who he fink he is dissin' on da native Americans lol #culturalappropriation.

So if he can't wear a feather headdress, who can? The idea that there's a descendant of a Cheyenne warrior sat somewhere in a feather warbonnet feeling righteous is laughable. And does anyone genuinely think Katy Perry's reasoning behind dressing as a Geisha was to insult her army of Japanese fans, and not simply because she thought the outfit made her feel cute and her tits look lovely?

If we're really to humour the notion that we can only wear outfits that are culturally appropriate, what does that mean for me? As far back as I can trace my background, I'm Bangladeshi through and through. So going to a fancy dress party dressed as Gandhi in a loin cloth would be insulting to Indians, putting on white face paint and a bowler hat to go Clockwork Orange would surely be offensive to Englishmen, and what? I can't go dressed in a tunic pretending to be Sauron in case I offend the sensibilities of the residents of Mordor? What does that leave me with? Wear a rag on my head and chant "cholte cholte" and tell everyone I'm the Bangladeshi rebel poet Kazi Nozrul Islam? Wow. That look is sure to open doors for me to the hippest parties in town...

Notwithstanding how racist it is to suggest that someone who doesn't come from a place can have no right to sample its wares, the fact is most people don a foreign garb as a mark of respect. In my career in Asian media I've seen the likes of Cherie Blair and Samantha Cameron attend Asian social events and openings of temples clad in saris, and myself have dressed JLS in sherwanis and put Alesha Dixon on the cover of an Asian magazine wearing a lengha. Not only did more Asians buy those magazines, the makers of those garments used their patronage to boost sales. Ask Marni Kaur from fashion boutique Bibi London, who imports outfits by top designers in India, what Lady Ga Ga has done to promote Asian clothing in the western market. And as anyone with any knowledge of the Asian fashion industry in the 90s will tell you, the likes of Madonna and Gwen Stefani pretty much revived the bindi and henna tattoos as must-have fashion accessories... among Asians. In the fashion world, cultural validation isn't a bad thing.

They're. Just. Clothes. I'm sure your Facebook photo roll isn't too different to mine: there's my mum in China wearing a kimono, a mate in Mexico sunning himself in a poncho, and that really fit girl who I've never really met but like having on my timeline enjoying the football in a Brazil t-shirt. Nothing insulting to see here.

That's not to say costumes can't be offensive. Wearing an SS costume or a Ku Klux Klan cloak is offensive, but then they're offensive even when those with a legitimate claim to them wears them. I doubt there were any German Nazis looking at Prince Harry in a swastika armband and crying 'cultural appropriation!'

Wearing someone else's national outfit isn't the same as blacking up, wearing a big-nosed Jewish mask or taping up the eyes and wearing chopsticks as teeth. This is someone looking at an outfit that looks pretty or fun and thinking: I'd like to wear that.

Granted, Madonna's latest attention-seeking gambit of donning the burqa isn't quite so harmless, but her intentions are cut from the same cloth. She's out to make a point about the freedom to wear what she likes, and she's done it in that half-baked, slightly embarrassing way she's always made her points, and while we have every right to mock her for trying too hard and looking ridiculous, it's just plain wrong to say her dress sense is a slur on Muslim women the world over.

Next time you see me at a party wearing a Katy Perry-esque Geisha dress and Pharelle-style headdress, spare me the sanctimonious cultural appropriation lecture about being insulting to the Japanese and Native Americans, but by all means, take the piss out of me for dressing like a tit.

Life Coach Lessons From a Puppy

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As I discussed in my podcast life is so much easier and straightforward when you don't take things personally, but I thought I would share with you the story of how modelling my dog's behaviour led to my latest ponderings and how really he should be the author of today's post.



As some of you might know I recently became the proud owner of a very cute, extremely friendly and exceptionally inquisitive puppy and I thought I would make him part of my podcast and YouTube video series because he taught me a valuable lesson in not making other people's issues your own.

It all started as I watched the extender lead fly and my little puppy was off like a shot to say hello to yet another dog he had spotted out of the corner of his eye. Now something happens to you when you become a dog owner, where it seems perfectly acceptable to follow your pooch vocalising rather loudly to the owner of the other dog that you come in peace, your puppy is friendly followed by the obligatory and sometimes slightly apprehensive question "Is your dog friendly too?". Nine times out of ten you'll hear the calming words that the pooch in question is friendly and then you'll let your dog off the lead, watch them play and have a little chat with the owner.

However this time I heard a voice call back "She's not friendly she's just come back from the vet and is feeling sorry for herself and probably wouldn't like a bouncy puppy right now". I immediately retracted the lead, distracted my puppy, thanked the owner for the heads up and walked in the opposite direction. Within seconds, my little one had found something else to entertain him and I very much doubt he's thought about that West Highland Terrier since. His life is much the better for not letting another dog's issues get to him.

So there I am as usual trying to model successful behaviour and incorporate it into my teachings. What did my puppy do that elicited such behaviour?



He didn't try and control the situation. I exerted alpha behaviour and somewhere along the line he realised to fight for control would cause him more pain than pleasure. What he probably didn't realise is that every time you focus on how to control situations, people, outcomes, you shut yourself off to all the possibilities that are out there by focussing on that which you have no control over. He allowed his focus to be shifted and existed in the present moment, rather than focussing on what had occurred five seconds before. He exhibited flexibility and as such his thoughts and observations allowed him to find a far more productive outcome in the form of entertainment provided by a pigeon.

Had this exchange occurred between two humans there are a number of different alternative scenarios that could have happened.

1. He could have got all worked up and allowed his system to flood with the feelings of rejection which could each and every day fester into low self-esteem, low self-worth, and really grate away his confidence.

2. He could have become aggressive and abusive to protect himself from feeling any rejection by rejecting that which he knew he couldn't have.

3. He could have tried the tactic, I'm going to fix your problem, let me help you.

In each one of these scenarios, there is a huge amount of negative energy and unhelpful focus being created. In the end no one benefits, yet as humans we continually choose one of these three options rather than just walking away from a situation.

My clients often hear me say, you have to ask the right questions to get the right results, so in a moment where you have a choice about letting someone else's issues get to you or not just shift your focus by asking yourself "What else could I think about that would make me feel happy and powerful?"

Your mood is governed by your focus and that which you focus on you are undoubtedly moved towards. Although it's not always possible to walk away as nothing is ever really that black and white, you can emotionally create distance between a situation and the perceived feelings you have chosen to attach to that situation. All you need to do is make a conscious choice to not take anything anyone else does or says personally, to leave their issues with them and to not try and fix them. For some of you this may be hard at first but as with everything practice makes perfect.

If you'd like to connect with Sloan directly you can do so via her website or via email at huffpost@sloansw.com or on YouTube.

To hear more podcasts in the series subscribe to Get In The Zone With Sloan on iTunes.

The Cholesterol Conundrum - How Heart Health Concerns All in the UK

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Cholesterol is the single greatest risk factor for coronary heart disease (CHD), responsible for nearly half of all heart disease-related deaths in the UK. Cholesterol is also a major risk factor in stroke, contributing to a higher risk of cardiovascular disease associated with diabetes and obesity.

Nearly 10 years ago, in 2005, cardiovascular disease (CVD), including heart disease and stroke, killed over 120,000 people in Britain - the equivalent to the population of a city the size of St. Albans. Recent figures have shown the situation has escalated with almost half of all adults carrying dangerously high levels of cholesterol

The National Diet & Nutrition Survey found that 48 per cent of the adult population in the UK has blood cholesterol levels above the healthy level, with figures rising to three out of four women - 75 per cent - aged 50 to 64, and 59 per cent of men in the same age group.

Furthermore, the death rate from CVD and CHD in Britain is one of the highest in Western Europe. Only Ireland and Finland have a higher mortality rate than the UK. CVD kills more men and women in Britain than any other disease and, contrary to common perception, is responsible for nine times more deaths in women than breast cancer.

The real tragedy is that for most people unhealthy levels of cholesterol can be avoided by simply maintaining a healthy diet and lifestyle. The National Diet and Nutrition survey points to poor diet and a lack of exercise as the main causes behind high cholesterol levels, with many people deluding themselves about how much physical activity they do. High levels of the dangerous form of cholesterol - LDL - are linked to trans-fats, which are used in processed foods, and the saturated fat of dairy products and fatty red meat.

However, there are some people who cannot manage their cholesterol levels through diet and lifestyle alone as they suffer from an inherited form of high cholesterol, which can lead to heart attack or stroke in their 20s or 30s. While some people are aware that there is a strong link between high cholesterol and heart disease, they don't think to have their cholesterol level checked. If people have a family history of high cholesterol, stroke or heart attack, they should have their cholesterol tested at 20, or even younger if a doctor advises it. Even if there is no family history of heart disease, people should still get their cholesterol tested around the age of 40, and then at least every five years or so if at risk or their levels are high.

Oat beta-glucans are one of the top ways to knock down your cholesterol number. In addition to consuming oat beta-glucans, a good way to help lower your cholesterol and hopefully prevent heart disease is to eat a diet low in saturated fat and to eat foods that are rich in monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats, like Omega-3 fatty acids. Research has shown that EPA and DHA Omega-3 fatty acids can help lower blood pressure in people with hypertension, and help maintain healthy triglyceride levels.

Studies have shown that the foods people should be eating are just as important as those they should be avoiding. Incorporating certain foods into a diet such as oats, nuts, fibre, grains, oily fish or sources of algae DHA and healthy oils - such as olive and rapeseed, can actually lower cholesterol levels and therefore reduce the risk of heart disease and strokes. People should switch from consuming saturated and trans-fats, replacing them with healthier fats like the ones found in olive oil and fatty fish such as salmon or trout to be a step closer to healthier hearts. If you're not eating oily fish, at least twice a week, or getting enough oats into your diet, there are always fish oil and oat beta glucan supplements to give you that extra boost.

It is estimated that approximately 30,000 more deaths can be prevented annually in the UK by improving lifestyle choices which include dietary changes, and over half of these deaths could be averted by focusing on prevention of heart attacks and strokes. By monitoring what people eat, we could go a long way in managing heart health more efficiently.

'Too Scared to Talk' - One in Four Children Feel Unable to Share Worries With Parents

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In the UK, 100,000 children under the age of 16 run away from home each year - that's one every five minutes. Children run away from home for a number of different reasons and many choose to do so because they feel they have no one to talk to about the issues they are facing.

A recent survey we conducted found that more than one in four children are "too scared to talk" and feel unable to share worries and concerns with their parents. Despite the majority of parents believing they are open to tackling difficult subjects, the findings show that many are not broaching topics such as family changes, divorce or death and nearly a third of parents admit that they would only start a difficult conversation with their child when an issue arises, rather than broaching subjects proactively. By then, it may already be too late.

Changes in the family, separation and bereavement are really big things that can rock a child's world. Research shows that children who experience these issues are three times more likely to run away from home*. When children are keeping these worries to themselves and not talking about them, they can feel lonely and isolated and can go away with feelings of guilt. Often from internalising these feelings, a child will think that running away from home is their only option.

Most parents will know what it's like to be asked an awkward question by their child. Sometimes it can be funny, at other times it can be quite difficult, especially as children get older. But establishing a regular pattern of communication with a child from a young age is incredibly important. Maintaining this as they grow older will also ensure they don't feel that they have no one to confide in when the issues they're dealing with become more difficult.

Working with our long-term partner, Aviva, we are asking parents to upload their most awkward parenting conversation at www.avivaconversations.co.uk to help raise awareness of the importance of an honest, open dialogue. For every conversation included in the Awkward Conversations hub and/or any share directly from the hub, Aviva will donate £2 to Railway Children, up to a maximum of £100,000.

If you believe in the importance of open dialogue with your child and want to show your support for children who have no one to talk to then upload the most awkward conversation you've ever had with your child on the hub today or click on the share buttons on the Awkward Conversations hub to take part.



Railway Children helps and supports children under 16 who've run away from home, or are at risk of doing so. They also support children after they've returned home or gone back into care and help educate young people about the risks of running away and what the alternatives are.

*Still Running III - The Children's Society 2011.
The Children's Society use the term 'running away' to refer to young people who indicated that they had either run away or been forced to leave home, and had stayed away overnight on at least one occasion.'

Are We Missing the Real Villain When It Comes to Sugar?

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Britain - nay the world is on the verge of demonising vital, healthy foods that kids need in their diets. Fruit, fruit juice and milk are not the enemy when it comes to the sugar debate. If we're not careful Mum's are going miss the point altogether and will dump these nutrient packed foods in the bin along with the cola, sweets and chocolate.

Today sees the Government's Chief Obesity Advisor recommending that parents only serve water at meal times and ban fizzy drinks and fruit juice from the dinner table. This advice comes in advance of two reports which are expected to reduce the recommended daily allowance for calories from sugar along with laying out at an action plan to make it easier to avoid the white stuff through, smaller portions, clearer labelling and tougher advertising regulations.

There's merit in all of these steps, but I think we are losing our focus on the real problem here leaving busy parents completely confused and baffled about what they should or shouldn't be feeding their kids. We must separate added and naturally occurring sugar.

  • To keep things simple- sugar provides sweetness and calories to food- no vitamins, no minerals and no other nutritional benefit. We are all eating too much sugar so there clearly is a link between it and obesity. The big wins are found by cutting out the ADDED SUGAR-

  • The biggest sugar culprits for are sugary soft drinks, confectionery, biscuits, cakes and chocolate. The sugar is added to these foods to make them taste good- it's these foods we need to cut down on.

  • Some foods like ketchup, baked beans or breakfast cereals contain "hidden sugar"- sugar that's added for flavour where you might not necessarily expect to find it. - Don't start worrying about these foods until you've sorted out your soft drinks and sweet treats.

  • Other foods contain naturally occurring sugar like fruit, fruit juice, milk and dairy product, potatoes, bread and grains- The sugar in these foods comes along with a whole host of vitamins, minerals and nutrients. They are really are not the enemy in the anti- sugar debate.

  • Kids need fruit and dairy foods, its fine for them to have one glass of fruit juice a day- if they want more juice to drink- dilute it like squash



We're all waiting for the food industry and legislators to reformulate sweet foods, label them clearly and sort out portions sizes. In the meantime my advice to Mums is to limit sweet treats to once or twice a week and get the whole family involved in cutting sugar intake overall - gradually.

Easy to Idealise, But for More Rewarding Travel We Must Face Up to Cuba's Realities

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There aren't many places on earth with such a sense of romance and nostalgia as Cuba; a land lost in time, untouched by the ravages of commercialism and capitalism, a ticking time bomb to be visited now before the wider western world explodes into its crumbling streets.

Easy to idealise, but Cuba is not easy to understand. Its isolation is at the same time both its appeal and its problem, and if you come here with preconceived, idealistic ideas on politics and preservation of its communist culture you'll leave more confused than ever. However, beyond its all-inclusive Caribbean beach bubbles, Cuba has opportunities a-plenty for those who want a holiday destination which will inspire, challenge and move; and one which will be digested and discussed, months and years after your return home.

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Six decades of communism has stripped the country of its material wealth; local people survive off meagre state wages, ration books limit food supplies, shops throughout the country are conspicuous by their emptiness and a complicated dual currency can leave local people out of touch with tourist wealth. However, its cultural treasures have been meticulously conserved and concerts, galleries and shows from salsa to jazz, art and ballet to afro-Caribbean beats are freely available to all. By getting travel right we can immerse ourselves in this heady mix, while also making sure our tourist currency reaches the local people keeping this culture alive.

Dual currency complications

Communism does not reward entrepreneurship, and meagre state salaries have encouraged many well-educated, qualified individuals to seek unskilled work which will bring them into contact with Cuban Convertible Pesos (CUCs), the tourist currency pegged equivalent in value to the US dollar. A valuable currency when state salaries are paid in the local currency, Cuban Pesos (CUPs), worth just 4 cents each. Don't be surprised then if your taxi driver is actually an anaesthetist or your casa particular host a qualified architect. State regulated, but run by local people, these homestay accommodations are one of the only ways for Cubans to own their own business, and directly access valuable tourist dollars. Perhaps the original Airbnb, the network of casas particulares across Cuba has since 1997 allowed local people to open their homes and hearts to guests, providing a unique insight into real life in this complicated country. The trend for authentic homestay experiences currently sweeping the western travel world has existed then in this cut-off corner of the Caribbean for almost 20 years. And not only do your CUCs end up in the hands of the local people who need them most, but the casas are the best places for insider tips on where to go, with owners often able to arrange transport and guides across Cuba.

Touching the authentic and bringing benefits

As tourists in such an isolated society it becomes our responsibility to ensure that we make a positive difference, that the culture we enjoy is well supported, and that local people feel the benefit of our presence. And there are so many ways to do this in Cuba. Firstly, eschew all-inclusive Varadero; Cuba's beauty is in its people and culture and you'll see neither of these here. Stay in a casa and follow your host's advice for a wander around Old Havana. You'll find local people happy to talk to you about their lives, and keen to find out what you make of their country. Pop into local pop-up art galleries, watch jazz performances and take salsa lessons with local dancers. Savour the opportunity to watch artists and musicians so good that anywhere else in the world it would cost you a fortune to enjoy them. So don't resent the few pesos tip you'll need to part with for these experiences - remember, this is likely to be a significant boost to spectacularly talented people struggling on a state wage.

While Cuba may be full to the brim of culture, material goods are conspicuous in their absence. Making sure our tourist currency reaches local people is not enough - often necessities are simply not there for local people to buy. We need to take the time before travelling to research what else we can bring that is lacking yet needed. Responsibletravel.com's supplier Marcel, from Soultime Travel is a Cuba expert. He advises that "Cuba is not just a beautiful paradise holiday, there are many aspects to it and if people are prepared they will enjoy it more and can also give back to Cuban society". He recommends speaking to your tour operator before you leave home to find out what can be brought into the country that will be useful. Medicines for a particular child, supplies for a local school or kitchen-ware for host families, the list is endless.

A holiday to Cuba then requires more consideration, more research and more understanding than most. It's not just somewhere to be visited before Fidel & Raul Castro's loosening grip is finally released; its communist quirks are easily idealised but belie a society struggling with poverty and isolation, and one where the creeping tide of capitalism may well be welcomed, proud as Cubans are of their history and independence. But if we are prepared for this and for Cuba's challenges, and if we do it right, the country's culture, natural beauty and turquoise waters have the potential to offer enormous rewards, for us as travellers, but even more so for local people.

Find out more about how to travel right in Cuba at http://www.responsibletravel.com/holidays/cuba

Photo credit: Vicki Brown

10 Things You Need to Know Before You Make Assumptions About Gender and Domestic Violence

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1. The government defines domestic violence as any incident, or pattern of incidents, of controlling, coercive, threatening behaviour, violence, or abuse, between those aged 16 or over, who are, or have been, intimate partners, or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality. The abuse can encompass, but is not limited to damage that is psychological, physical, sexual, financial and emotional

2. More women than men experience domestic violence, but the gap is not as wide as you might think. In the 2011/12 Crime Survey for England and Wales, 1.2 million (7%) women and 800,000 (5%) men reported having experienced any type of domestic abuse in the last year. This means that for every five victims of domestic violence, three will be female and two will be male.

3. Between 2012 and 2013, 1% of men and 1.4% of women were victims of severe force at the hands of their partner.

4. Over 260 organisations with around 4,000 spaces offer safe house provision to female victims of domestic violence. Only 12 organsiations offer provision to men, but of the 86 spaces that might be made available, only 25 are specifically dedicated to male victims of domestic violence.

5. The mandate to be tough and strong can prevent men communicating vulnerability and from seeking informal or professional help. Consequently only 10% of male victims of domestic violence tell the police, compared to 27% of female victims. Regardless of gender, only 27% of all partner abuse cases reported to the police go to court.

6. The number of women convicted of perpetrating domestic abuse more than quadrupled between 2004 and 2012 - peaking at 3,968 in 2010/11. This is thought to be aggravated by the fact that women are drinking more alcohol than they used to.

7. A meta-analysis of 83 studies into domestic violence by Professor John Archer of the University of Central Lancashire found that women are as likely to use domestic violence as men, but women are twice as likely as men to be injured or killed during a domestic assault.

8. A 1997 Home Office report, 'Understanding the Sentencing of Women', suggests that the law is more likely to define women as "troubled" and worthy of sympathy, and men as "troublesome" and deserving of punishment. This may explain why 25% of all men who report domestic abuse to the police in the UK are arrested as perpetrators.

9. In an experiment by the ManKind Initiative, a charity which supports male domestic abuse, a male actor "attacks" his girlfriend in front of onlookers. They immediately rush to help his girlfriend threatening to call the police. When the roles are reversed and the woman assaults the male, no one tries to help. In fact onlookers seem openly amused by the incident.

10. Roughly 100 women are killed every year by a partner or ex-partner. As a comparison, in 2010, 21 men died from domestic abuse in England and Wales.



Advice Lines for anyone experiencing domestic abuse

National Domestic Violence Helpline: 0808 2000 247
Men's Advice Line: 0808 801 0327
ManKind 01823 334244
Wales Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 80 10 800
Scottish Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0800 027 1234
Northern Ireland Women's Aid 24-hour Domestic Violence Helpline: 0800 917 1414
Broken Rainbow Helpline (for LGBT people): 0300 999 5428



References

ONS BCS Focus on Violent Crime and Sexual Offences 2012/13

Addis, M. & Mahalik, J. (2003). Men, masculinity, and the contexts of help seeking. American Psychologist, Vol. 58 Issue 1, p5-14.

Archer, John., "Sex differences in aggression between heterosexual partners: A meta-analytic review," Aggression and Violent Behavior (7) 2002, 313-351

Hedderman, C. and Gelsthorpe, L. (eds) (1997) Understanding the Sentencing of Women. Home Office Research Study. London:HMSO.

The ManKind Initiative Domestic Abuse Advert https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3PgH86OyEM

Portuguese Preening: The Oitavos, Cascais, Portugal

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We all like to be treated like a VIP on holiday. Even if we're not paying quite as much as the 'actual' VVIPs staying down the hall. Which is why the Oitavos had us hooked from the moment we checked in.

Every room at the Oitavos is a suite. And thanks to its clever 'Y'-shaped design every room also has a beautiful sea view. Many also have views onto the award-winning golf course (which is worth remembering if you have a tendency to like admiring sea views from the balcony in your pants on a sunny morning).

If you're prone to online hotel stalking prior to a trip (isn't that part of the fun?) then The Oitavos may surprise you at first.

Set in a gorgeously rugged part of Portugal's Estoril coast, the hotel's exterior is curiously space age, but this is lunar landscape meets luxury design and as soon as you step through the door, there it is, the soothing and calm interior, filled with soft colours and fabulous lighting, that you will recognise from the online galleries you've been pawing over at your desk.

Floor-to-ceiling glass throughout the building offers panoramic views of the dramatic surroundings, whether you are ooh'ing over the prosecco-laced breakfast buffet or people watching on one of the hotel's monthly party nights, Oitavos Beats. And a few steps outside there is a picture perfect infinity pool that's just begging to be insta-bragged.

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The Room
As discussed, all of the 140 rooms at The Oitavos are suites (all painted in a delicious shades of seaside blue). This means double sinks, super-king beds, a lounge area big enough to actually lounge in, iPod docks, 2 x TVs and bundles of delicious Aromatherapy Associates products.
Even the balconies feature sofas, which is the perfect place to watch the sun set over the Atlantic as you and a lucky plus one raid the delightfully stuffed mini bar.

As a spa hotel, pampering is taken very seriously here, and the open plan bathrooms are an integral part of the suite experience. The bath features an ocean view (as well as a great view for your partner), the glass shower features a seat for pondering life/shaving your legs beneath the huge rainshower and there are two lengths of robes to choose from, depending on how frisky you are feeling.

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The Spa
The VIP treatment continues downstairs, with a private glass elevator whisking guests directly from their floor to the ground-level - Willy Wonka style - without them having to traverse the huge lobby.

The vibe is cavernous but calm, and the floor-to-ceiling windows continue here with eight of the ten treatment rooms featuring views onto the wild surroundings. Even the sauna and steam room have a window onto the outside world and there is something terribly soothing about looking on to blue skies, wild flowers and groups of bunnies while you work up a sweat in the steam.

There's a hi-tech 24-hour gym space, and as well as the infinity pool on the terrace there's an indoor/outdoor saltwater pool featuring brilliant massaging jets and a jacuzzi.

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The Treatment
The treatment list here is huge featuring over 15 types of massage including the 'Special Golfer' (for the players who may or may not have seen me admiring the sea view in my pants) and the packages - including The Royal Rejuvenation (massage, customised facial, exfoliating ritual - 150 minutes for €225) and From Land To Sea (seaweed bath, massage, facial, mineralizing body wrap - 170 minutes for €296) are worth indulging in if you have the time.

The therapists use Voya products throughout - an Irish organic seaweed range fresh from the Atlantic - and my Voya massage (50 mins for €95 or 80 mins for €150) was soothing but actually super energising.

NB it's worth booking in advance for all of the treatments as the spa gets full pretty quickly. It's also worth noting for any long weekenders that the spa isn't open on Mondays.

To Eat
Even if you're not a golfer you should treat yourself to lunch at the clubhouse, where we tucked into garlicky clams, lovely light octopus salad and flavour-packed ceviche - all caught from the water straight in front of us. Driving your own golf buggy there is optional but a LOT of fun, especially after a glass or two of honey-hued wine from the hotel's own vineyard.

At the main hotel the chef's table at the Ipsylon Restaurant offers a cool take on Portugese cooking with the emphasis on the freshest seafood (we were treated to fish in a bag and mini clay pots of aromatic broth). The main restaurant menu is a clash of cuisines, combining high-end sushi with grade A steaks and fancy fast food, so good for sharing if you have an adventurous mouth. And we would recommend saving room for the cheeseboard.

Outside of the hotel we loved The Adraga beachfront restaurant, a local favourite where you are introduced to your fish before it is cooked up and served swimming in live oil.

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Don't Miss
Don some flats and take a day trip to the beautiful hilltop town of Sintra, which features castles, cobbles and chocolate-cups filled with port as well as photo opps galore. Thrill-seekers should book onto a speedboat with WaterX (www.waterx.co.pt) which a brilliant way to spot Lisbon, and a brilliant excuse to need another Voya massage straight after.

The Deal
The starting rate is 163€ (approx £133) for a Superior Room, with balcony and sea view.
For reservations, please contact +351 21 486 0020 or visit www.theoitavos.com
Flights are available from London Heathrow or Gatwick to Lisbon with TAP Airlines, from 116€ (£95) round trip.

www.theoitavos.com

Words: Toni Jones

www.the-spa-spy.com

Behind The Scenes... How I Learnt To Make A Great Cup Of Coffee

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In recent years there has been a surge in the popularity of coffee. Brits have come over all European, with foodie hipsters and coffee connoisseurs shunning high-street coffee chains faster than you can say "skinny soy milk latte with an extra shot".

Proof? The UK coffee shop market grew by 7.5% in 2012 with a turnover of £5.8 billion, according to Jeffrey S. Young founder of the annual charitable programme UK Coffee Week.

Suddenly, it seems everyone’s an expert - or at least they pretend to be - and I’m starting to feel a little left out. Sure, I enjoy drinking coffee but I haven't got a clue how to differentiate between a high-quality cup of coffee and a two-day old Americano that's been reheated in the microwave.

So, as I creep into my late twenties delving deeper into adulthood, I figure it's about time I get clued up.

Two men with their fingers firmly on London's caffeinated pulse are David Abrahamovitch, 28, and Kaz James, 31. Co-founders of popular coffee shop Shoreditch Grind - and, more recently-opened Soho Grind and Piccadilly Grind - they are well-placed to teach me all I need to know about coffee.



Kaz hails from Melbourne, 'the coffee capital of Australia' - owing in large part to its Italian immigrant population. When Kaz moved to the UK, he was appalled by the standard of coffee and sought to do something to change that.

“Coffee is a big part of our lives, most of us drink it everyday. We wanted to bring good-quality coffee to a fun environment,” Kaz tells HuffPost UK Lifestyle.

“We've taken coffee seriously so customers don't have to," adds David, Kaz's business partner. "All customers have to do is say what they want."

Everything, from blend to baristas, is heavily vetted. So when I meet their head barista George Cramer, who has been working with the group for two years, I know I’m in safe hands.

What strikes me about George is his passion for the job and attention to detail. Unlike the students at [insert high-street coffee chain here], he sees coffee making as a craft. And I soon learn that there's a lot more to a good cup of Joe than meets the eye.

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(l-r) David, George and me


To my dismay, there is no perfect formula to making good coffee - it isn't a science, I'm told, but a finely-tuned instinct. There are so many factors at play, such as humidity, temperature, storage, and a good barista can read how coffee is behaving.

"If the door is left open in the coffee shop, the temperature will drop and this will affect the coffee," explains George. "We have to be mindful of that and monitor conditions so that the coffee stays at a high standard."

I'm surprised to hear that George checks conditions every five to six shots. Other coffee shops will check every hour - if you’re lucky. You don't have to take my word for it; watch next time you're in a coffee house.

So here's what I learnt from an afternoon spent behind the counter with George at Soho Grind.

Coffee beans

The key to a good coffee is to start at the beginning. There's no use spending hundreds of pounds on a fancy espresso machine if you haven't got the basics right.

Coffee beans are the key ingredient here, so invest in good raw materials. Ideally coffee shouldn't be stored for more than one month and, as there's no way of knowing how long a packet has been sat in the supermarket, it might be best to source your coffee from a local coffee shop who can tell you how old the beans are. Once you've got your beans home you can freeze them to extend their life.

Grain

The grain size of your coffee is hugely important. If the grain is too fine, the water will sit too long and burn the coffee; too big, the water will rush through and the grains will be under-extracted.

George says that you need 19g coffee (dry weight) for a good double espresso. By controlling the weight you are able to monitor the speed and therefore the grain size.

My first attempt is “muddy coffee water", instead of syrup-like consistency we're aiming for. But after a few tries I get the hang of it.

Water temperature

The last thing you want to do is burn the coffee. Soho Grind set their water temperature to around 96 degrees... so don't pour it straight in when boiling. Let it sit for a few seconds. This temperature will allow you to drink your coffee in about 5-10 minutes.

Milk

This is where it gets tricky... or at least arty. Latte art is very en trend, so if you want to wow your guests try making a basic heart (see video below).

Milk should be around 55-60 degrees centigrade, so far cooler than the water. You don't want the milk to burn.

Of course, it's not as easy as it seems. Here is my (pathetic) attempt at a heart-shaped coffee.

Glastonbury 2014: Couple Get Married On Worthy Farm, Giving Us Major Glasto Envy

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If you're already suffering from Glastonbury blues, I suggest you look away immediately.

This couple have had the ultimate modern-day fairytale wedding and got hitched at Worthy Farm.

Jack and Bianca Vaughan tied the knot in the nearby town of Glastonbury, before joining thousands of other Glasto revellers for a mini-honeymoon.

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Bianca was snapped looking very festival-chic in her white lace dress, veil, flower headband and white Hunter wellies, while her groom wore a pair of Puma trainers, grey T-shirt and shorts - we're hoping he didn't wear that down the aisle.

We've just about managed to get over the major Glastonbury envy this union has forced upon us, so there's nothing left but to wish them a very long and happy life together.

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glasto wedding

glasto wedding

Wimbledon 2014: What Does Defending Champion Andy Murray's Diet Consist Of?

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What does a Wimbledon champion's diet look like?

Andy Murray, 27, is served up the same three dinners during the tournament, and said his options are kept "simple".

"You might not be surprised to hear that I don't order a pizza when I get in," Murray said in his BBC column. These dinners are cooked by his girlfriend Kim Sears - and you thought she was just a cheerleader.

andy murray

He added: "I have either salmon with rice, roast chicken with vegetables and potatoes, or steak with salad.

"My girlfriend Kim will cook and I know each night that it will be one of those three.

"I had salmon on Tuesday night, so I knew that on Wednesday it would be one of the other two. My guess was steak."

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Meanwhile, his breakfast is very fruity - but the bananas need to be mushed up.

"If my dinner options are limited, breakfast time can be a bit more creative.

"I usually have a smoothie, and on Tuesday morning it involved strawberry yoghurt, raspberries, apple juice - a bunch of stuff - and then I had an apple and a peach.

"I also had a bagel with banana. I've been asked a lot of questions about all sorts of things during my career, and I think I've said somewhere in the past that I don't like bananas.

"Well, I can update you - if I mush it up and put it on a bagel, it's fine! I guess it must be the consistency," he said in the column.

Murray talks to BBC Sport's Piers Newbery for the column, which appears on the tennis star's own website as well as on the BBC Sport website.
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