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Learning to Manage Our Ancient Whispers

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I've been thinking how little we know about ourselves no matter how much has been coughed out to shrinks. Surely to understand our inner inconsistencies there must be some other influences outside our paltry life stories which some of us repeat on an endless loop tape to get to the nub of who we are.

My opinion is we need to take into consideration the influence of our ancient roots, our prehistoric past.

Like it or not, we all started as tiny one-celled protoplasm. We should look further back than our time as Homo Sapiens to understand who we are today. It wasn't all that long ago when we even began; only for the last 200,000 years have we been modern humans (hairless), before that fish, lizards and a various assortment of apes. (Not the most sophisticated of lineages.) Most of us are hopelessly unaware of the extent to which we're held hostage by our moronic beginnings.

In some ways we've come a long way i.e. standing up in high heels but as far as our emotional development we're still swimming in the pond scum. The problem is that we're unaware that part of our brains still play by the rules of 400 million years ago. I'm talking about the 'kill and mate' school of thought. As evolved as we think we are, we're still cave folk with Stone Age brains trying to deal with the complexities of the 21st century. This could be the answer to why we need so many shrinks and medication.

In the beginning things were fine, we lived in tribes with family members. We all shared the same genes so we trusted and protected each other. The bad news about this is the bit about all being related which caused infinite mutations; some of our cousins had more fingers than needed, others had their feet growing backwards. These were the days of hunter-gatherer, which lasted for many thousands of years. The men did the dirty work spearing dinner, the woman peeled roots and bulbs (before women's lib.). No one complained, mainly because they couldn't speak; language was not invented yet. The problems began when the tribes started to expand, cities grew up and civilisation developed. Now we had to make rules to control our deeper, darker desires, i.e. don't sleep with your sister. Freud tried to help us reign in our 'ids' but our baser, primordial selves are still sliming around under the surface. Repression doesn't help; that Alien inside is always lurking ready to let it rip. These days we convince ourselves we're fighting for justice to defend our beliefs. In my brutal opinion, we're simply appeasing our basic urge to kill; as in, tear the throat out of the foe, irrelevant of race, religion or political affinity. Every cell in our bodies wants to divide and conquer, why should our yearning to overthrow other countries be different?

To evolve any further we need to become conscious of these 'ancient whispers.' Underneath our mild mannered exteriors are our barbaric brothers of the past. If you act unaware of your Dark Force it will act out without you being conscious and throw grenades where you think you've done good. So when you feel the urge to tear off someone's head that got the job you always wanted, remember that we all have a savage within that seeks revenge. I even go as far as giving a little compassion to the beast within because I wouldn't have survived without him. So in essence, it took us four billion years to evolve to where we are and though we're cognitively brilliant we're still a little emotionally dwarfed, the question is could our more empathetic side catch up?

I say the first step is learning to hug your inner ape. (Perhaps the name of a new book? Maybe not).

Viva Espana

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In my opinion, one of the cherished highlights when exploring the world is being able to observe, appreciate and immerse yourself in each unique facet of a local culture. My voyeuristic self loves to anonymously enter a city centre or a remote village, to discover each and every social nuance. Guide books can of course teach you a great deal, but I find no greater education than firsthand experience.

It is hard to imagine that I have travelled the globe, but until recently had never visited mainland Spain.


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Last year, one of my best friends announced that her wedding was to be in Marbella, therefore it was the perfect opportunity to explore this beautiful country and brush up on my rather rusty Spanish.


First stop was Marbella for the wedding itself. Well-recognised as a timeless playground for the wealthy, party set who migrate, on a regular basis, to the Costa del Sol.


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I chose to stay at the stunning Puenta Romano Hotel, which is considered to be the best hotel in Marbella - it even boasts a 1st Century Roman bridge.


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The Bride, Executive Fashion Director of Marie Claire, also chose the hotel as the hub for the wedding festivities, which worked out perfectly and further reinforced my accommodation choice. The hotel's extensive grounds stretch all the way to the sea itself and include magnificent, winding botanical gardens, three swimming pools, several restaurants and bars, fitness facilities, tennis courts, an organic food shop, a kid's club, boutiques, direct beach access, and nearby golf courses. Basically, you never have to leave - nor will you want to.


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I highly suggest visiting the seaside pool for lunch at the Sea Grill, followed by a stroll along the seven kilometre beach promenade. My second recommendation would be to visit the Plaza Village courtyard for cocktails and a very fun night out. Unfortunately, British Airways had lost my luggage on the flight in, so I was incredibly pleased to have competent, friendly staff on-hand who went beyond the call of duty, to ensure that the rest of my trip went smoothly.

On the first night we went to Sinatra's bar in Puerta Banus, which is only worth frequenting if you want to experience a poor man's St Tropez. Much more worthwhile was a visit is Istan, the mountainous area with breathtaking views over Malaga. Finca Llanos de Belvis was our idyllic location for the wedding ceremony itself and accompanying dinner and party.



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The final day of the wedding was my idea of heaven: a chic, all blanco, beach restaurant (called Puro Beach) where a gourmet BBQ lunch turned into an evening of chilled out house music, dancing, and buckets of rosé.


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As everyone headed back to their respective homes, I caught a short flight to Barcelona. As usual, I had no firm plans apart from a map and some time on my hands to wander care-free. The vitalidad of Barcelona (or BarTHelona, as they say) is largely down to the Spanish people themselves. They are my kind of people; relaxed, work-hard play-hard types, and advocates of wine and tapas, at any hour of the day.


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Parc Guell, which includes Parc del Carmel, was a great first stop, as the incredible views of the city gave me an indication of what I was about to explore. A must visit location. After a short taxi journey, I reached the legendary La Sagrada Familia; an otherworldly Basilica, with differing facades on its exterior. It is breathtaking inside and out, earning its UNESCO accreditation.


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Casa Mila La Pedrera followed, which is where my modernist education of Barcelona began. Worth a visit if you have time.


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The exteriors of Casa Batilo/Casa Amatiler and Casa Terrandes Les Prunxes are essential to experience. The latter is my romantic vision of what a Spanish castle ought to look like.

I bought admission into Casa Batilo which is another Antoni Gaudi construction. I love Art Nouveau, but in all honesty I found this iconic building slightly underwhelming by comparison. In my humble opinion, it felt like more of a 'tick-box' than a site truly worth seeing.


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As the sun was setting, and after a dash of Sangria and fresh olives, I perfectly timed an impromptu visit to Plaza de Catalunya, with its majestic fountain. This landmark sits at the top of the Ciutat Vella district, which is the main shopping and eating area.


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I finished the day sampling the best octopus that I have ever tasted, at a hidden gem situated close to a medieval cathedral. The scene was almost movie-worthy, as I observed an old lady peering out inquisitively, from her candle lit balcony, surrounded by slightly eery, shadowy low hanging plants. I felt totally content and culturally rich after my enchanting day.


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Final Tips on Barcelona:

*Some great walking, shopping, and eating streets include La Barceloneta, Las Ramblas, Passeig de Gracia, El Born, Plaza Reial.
*After a three day wedding, I didn't have the energy to hit the nightclub scene, but you would definitely be missing out if you didn't check it out. For jazz and hip hop music, try Jamboree and Boulevard, for House and more commercial music, try Sutton and Shoko.

To sign off, I would like to thank the kind stewardess of Veuling Airlines who took the time to write me a list of the highlights of her hometown, Barcelona. I hope my blog has done you proud.

Noelle XX
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Is It True Love? 20 Ways To Tell

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It's not always easy to tell if the person you're dating is going to be around for the long haul. Here are 20 signs that will make it crystal clear if you've found the one... or not!

It's True Love If:

1. You enjoy sitting around doing "nothing" together more than doing something with anyone else.

2. You allow him to come over when you're sick and you're in sweats with no makeup on and you don't give it a second thought.

3. But you also take extra time getting ready when you have a date planned

4. You've had arguments, but always find a resolution that both of you are happy with, and walk away feeling stronger as a couple.

5. Your family and friends encourage your relationship. They don't have to be best friends with your significant other, just as long as they aren't begging you to break-up with him!

6. You have the same priorities and goals for the future. You're on the same page when it comes to things like marriage, children, finances and religion.

7. Their happiness means more than your own.

8. You feel like you've been the best version of you since they have been a part of your life.

9. You talk to them about everything, from the mundane to the important, and you trust the advice they give you.

10. You picture your future together, and it doesn't scare you. It just feels right.

11. You don't constantly need to be together. You're secure enough in your relationship to spend time apart occasionally and you never feel insecure.

12. You laugh together. A lot.

13. You don't have to pretend to be someone you're not, they accept you for you, and wouldn't have it any other way.

14. You enjoy learning about the things and hobbies they are interested in, simply because it makes them happy, and you want to be a part of that.

15. You don't play games, or intentionally hurt one another. Ever. It's just not on your radar.

16. You find yourself listening to love songs and singing along, not turning if off in disgust like you normally would.

17. You've taken a trip together, dealt with travel stress and didn't fight the whole time! In fact, you can't wait to take more trips as a couple!

18. When they are hurting or upset, you will do anything to try to make them feel better. Anything, no matter how silly, time consuming or ridiculous it might be.

19. You can't keep your hands off of each other, but it's not just to fulfill a sexual urge... you want to be close to them, all the time!

20. You just know that this relationship is different, deep in your gut. When you know... you know!

Increasing Wellbeing in the City and Beyond: How to Stop Chasing Our Tails and Live a More Meaningful Life

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A career in the City is an attractive position for many with its generous pay packets and high adrenalin assignments but it's certainly not for everybody. It is a driven and highly competitive environment which often breeds a deep fear of failure and rejection and some pretty unhealthy habits as a consequence. In order to succeed and thrive in this cut throat culture many also turn to lying, cheating, back-stabbing and elbowing others out of the way to reach the top. People can live in a perpetual state of anxiety, worrying about not being good enough, mentally beating themselves up, telling themselves that they should be better and comparing themselves unfavourably to others. Although all these behaviours are totally understandable given the world in which these people work there is no doubt that is why so many of them find their way to my office with depleted well-being and often in a state of total burnout, exhaustion and complaining of stress, depression and anxiety.

I have lost count of the number of CEOs and senior business leaders who have walked into my office looking lost and directionless, exhausted and low in mood explaining that their work and life has lost meaning, it all seems so pointless and they often feel like a 'square peg in a round hole', suffering from some kind of impostor syndrome just waiting for the day when they are no longer able to 'wing it', exposed as a fake, incompetent and lose their job. So, why do these people at the very top of their game seem to lack so much self-worth and self-confidence? And what is missing here, why do so many people working in the City feel so burnout, unfulfilled and dissatisfied with their existence?

Well, although they have been seemingly climbing the career ladder in one direction psychologically they have actually been chasing their tails. Rushing around in fear, on autopilot trying to eradicate feelings of failure and rejection is impossible, it's a pursuit of perfection and that's an unobtainable illusion, the result: burnout, exhaustion, a whole host of more severe psychological problems and an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and pointlessness. It's important to recognise that feelings like failure and rejection are not a problem to solve they are a condition of life. Their struggle is one with the experience of themselves not with the external world, such as not getting that bonus, not getting the next promotion etc. They have been inflexible, unwilling to accept and make room for the least desirable yet inevitable feelings that are part of life. They have hit the feel good button and held it firmly pressed down (like so many of us try to do), but the consequence of that is that they end up tiring themselves out and not feeling at all.

So what is the secret to happiness and success if it's not what they have been doing?

They have chased the dream like so many of us do, like the media tells us to: attain your goals and all the wealth you can and then you will be happy, forever, YAY! Well whether you are like these business leaders at the top of their game or not you may have also found that your sense of well-being and success is often short lived when you are tirelessly chasing your goals, that dream holiday, that money in the bank, that new car, more and more possessions, the perfect partner, family home or the ideal body weight and shape. We understandably feel anxious and depressed that we don't have what we want, while we are eagerly and single-mindedly striving to achieve it, and then lost, and directionless again when we get it (if we ever do) - how will I be happy now? We have lost touch with the true source of our well-being and success - it's actually within us all and not perpetually out of our reach. We have lost touch with what it is to be a human being, in our pursuit of happiness and success most of us actually rush around like human doings, chasing our tails endlessly on a hamster wheel, exhausting and depressing ourselves in the process. Do we ever stop to think who is actually doing all that doing? So what's the alternative and how can we increase our well-being and live a more rich and meaningful life?

1. Practice mindfulness: It is important that we spend time looking inwards increasing self-awareness and cultivating a more helpful relationship with our undesirable yet inevitable experiences. Mindfulness practice is a great way to do just that. 'Wake up' to your autopilot responses that often get you into more trouble. Learn to lessen your engagement with harsh self-criticism, judgemental evaluation and worry and react to inevitable feelings of failure and rejection with more openness, acceptance and compassion - you don't have to like these feelings, just be willing to let them come and go as they naturally will. Reducing this habitual struggle frees up more energy, time and space to then move on the more important and meaningful aspects of your life. From awareness comes choice around how you would like to be as a human being.

2. Commit to regular pro-social and self-caring behaviour: Stop chasing goals, material possessions and perfect happiness and instead recognise that our well-being and fulfilment are not dependent on anyone or anything else but come from how we are and operate as a human being. Identify your hearts deepest desires; ask yourself how you would like to be remembered once your time on earth is up, is that an egocentric, fearful, greedy person or a caring, contributing, supportive and fun loving person maybe? Commit to taking action aligned with your preferred ways of being (whatever they may be) as often as you can. We are naturally community dwellers, so look after yourself and others. Do random acts of kindness to others (and yourself) which could be as simple as silently, genuinely wishing others happiness five times a day. Try it right now, it feels good to give and be kind, huh?

Dr Michael Sinclair is a Consultant Counselling Psychologist, the Clinical Director of City Psychology Group and the author of "Fear and Self-Loathing in the City: a guide to keeping sane in the square mile" and "Mindfulness for Busy People: turning frantic and frazzled into calm and composed".

Artist Re-Imagines The Simpsons And Disney Characters As Domestic Violence Victims In Haunting Cartoons

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It is estimated that there were 12.9 million incidents of domestic violence acts against women in the UK in 2013, and one project is aiming to throw the disturbing realities of the crime into the spotlight - all by using our favourite cartoon characters.

No Violence Against Women is a project by Italian artist and activist Alexsandro Palombo.

Alexsandro, who is based in Milan, uses characters from the Simpsons, Snow White, the Flintstones and Wonder Woman to highlight the plight some women go through while presenting the facade of a happy family life to the outside world.

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"I wanted to give visibility to a problem that affects a great amount of women all over the world," Alexsandro told the MailOnline.

"Domestic violence is a problem so widespread that its victims and perpetrators could be anyone. Even in couples that appear to be normal."

The disturbing images show some of the world's most well-known female cartoons bloodied and battered as they stand with their male counterparts.

The images are hard to look at, highlighting that we shouldn't be ignoring the millions of incidences of domestic violence that happen around the world each year.

An image of all the characters together bears the stark question: 'What Kind of Man are You?' while the rest of the images speak for themselves.

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This is not the first time that cartoon characters have been used by the provocative artist.

After he lost his own leg two years ago, Alexandro published a project entitled 'Do You Still Like Us?' which invited debate about the ways that people with disabilities are treated.

SEE ALSO:

ManKind's Domestic Violence Video Shows The Double Standards Between Male And Female Victims

Norwegian Domestic Violence Awareness Campaign Exposes Truth Behind 'Happily Ever After'

Does NEAT (Non Exercise Energy Thermogenesis) Increase Weight Loss?

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Sometimes there just aren't enough hours in the day. Most of us have good intentions when it comes to working out but, with family life, work and social schedules, it can make it difficult to do the recommended 3 hours of weekly exercise. That's where NEAT can help.


What is NEAT?
NEAT (Non Exercise Energy Thermogenesis) refers to adapting daily activities to increase energy expenditure. It's a way to speed up your metabolism and burn additional calories without actually exercising.

Does it work?
Yes and No. If you're trying to lose weight, NEAT can help as the extra movement will speed up your metabolism, keeping your body in the fat burning zone. Therefore, NEAT will help you to achieve your goals quicker as, the leaner your physique become, the more visible your muscle definition will be. However, it is not a replacement for actual exercise. You will still need to exercise regularly so that you build muscle mass and reduce your body fat.


Here are 5 great ways to NEAT-ify your lifestyle:

1) Don't sit on the sofa when watching TV, sit on a Swiss ball instead
This will force you to engage your core, making your abdominal muscles work harder to regain stability and balance. It's a small change but, over time, it will strengthen your core, tone your abs and help to strengthen your back and stomach muscles, improving your posture in the process.

Fitness Equivalent:
Sitting on the swiss ball will help to to burn between 112 and 165 calories per hour. This is equivalent of holding a plank exercise for 40 minutes.


2) Put on your favorite CD and dance along when cleaning, cooking and doing housework
Dancing burns lots of calories, it engages all muscle groups and, the more you move around, the more calories you'll burn and the more areas you'll tone up. This will benefit your legs, arms, shoulders, stomach... the lot! It really does provide a whole body aerobic workout.

Invite some friends round for a party, or put on your favorite tunes to dance to whilst cleaning, or play, for have fun with the children playing Wii Got To Dance. Or, better still join a Zumba class and you'll burn even more!

Obviously, the amount of calories you'll burn depends on your energy expenditure, how much dancing you actually do to the music, and the amount of time you do it for.

Fitness Equivalent:
Dancing continuously for 35mins can burn up to 200 calories. That's the equivalent of a 35 minute workout on a cross trainer.

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3) Sing
Singing burns lots of calories. So turn up the volume on your music and sing along whilst working out (or doing chores) and you could burn up to 126 calories an hour on top of your workout just by singing along. It's also a great motivator as, if you're having fun, you'll forget about the hard work of exercising and workout harder, for longer.

Fitness Equivalent:
Performing a kneeling vacuum exercise for 37 minutes can burn up to 126 calories.


4) Have More Sex
Just 25mins burns 104 calories in men and 69 calories in women. Plus, the more adventurous you are, the more you'll move around and tone different areas of your body.

Fitness Equivalent:
Swimming for 15 minutes burns up to 119 calories (based on someone who weighs 150lbs).

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5) Stand up and walk when on the phone.
Whilst sitting at their desk, the average person only burns 15 calories a day when on the phone. However, by standing up and pacing around the room every time you're on the phone, you can burn up to 100-130 calories. A massive difference!

Fitness Equivalent:
Walking on a treadmill for 20 minutes at an incline of 5%. This burns approx. 109 (based on someone who weighs around 150lbs).


For more information, visit http://www.scottlaidler.com

Hot Food and Drink Ideas for Summer

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Don't know about anyone else, but once the mercury hits above 20 - I shed the skin of a (semi) responsible person and get utterly side tracked by the pursuit of pleasure. That dead area at the beginning of the week (I think they call it Sunday-Tuesday) becomes a gin-sodden round of boozy picnics, 'just the one' after work drinks/dins and pub garden pick me ups. With extra drinking (and eating) time to fill - I find its best to keep a few key sunning spots, dining dens and note-worthy dates on my summer to do list - lest those hazy days turn into a three month blur...

Park life and Stepping Up

Despite what many people think, London's parks at twilight are not just the toasting grounds for tramps wielding cans of Special Brew. In fact, with a bit of savvy and a resilient spirit when it comes to running at the first sign of trouble, there's a plethora of sundown picnic spots waiting for you. Lincoln Inn Fields is an ideal example (full of delightfully mannered dog walkers and students enjoying the last vestiges of daylight), particularly if you're coming via nearby Covent Garden to pick up a burger from Five Guys or Meat Market en route.

Brockwell Park is also a splendid spot to watch the sun go down (and surrounded by fancy housing to block out the undesirables). And there's the brilliant Lido Cafe next door once you get a bit peckish. Finally, nothing follows a few cans in Hackney Downs better than a trip to Hand of Glory for a pint of proper cider from an impressive array.

And its not just parks either, my friends and I have long been fans of a Friday night step-drinking fest. Nothing better than consuming a cold glass of vino perched on the golden-bathed steps of St Paul's pithily mocking tourists. Let. Me. Tell. You. Bring sustenance; either a retro sandwich adorably wrapped in greaseproof paper and string from newbie Ask For Janice or a burrito from Chilango's on Fleet Street.

The Feast Collective at Camp Bestival

Whilst I realise this puts me in the minority amongst my 'well cool' peers, I've never really cared for festivals. Food has always been my thing, until recently, they always seemed about as bothered about their catering as I was about them.

Then food got 'well cool' too and some of the best London street food started popping up at the likes of Bestival et al; quickly followed suit by restaurateurs I'd respected for ages doing elaborate dinners.

This year I've jumped on the bandwagon and got myself tickets to Camp Bestival. Whilst everyone else is there to watch Basement Jazz and taking advantage impressive line up of family-friendly attractions - I'll be fine dining courtesy of Dalston restaurant White Rabbit, stuffing my face with Smokestak ribs, before finishing off with a bit 'o' Crayfish Bob and a cocktail from Josie da Bank's Jam Jar Bar.

Alfresco Without The Fight

It's summer, so of course we all want to eat/drink/sit alfresco. You won't find any beef from me. But because London is packed with people, who, any sign of fair weather, are drawn to any outside table/roof terrace/garden options like vitamin D-starved moths to a flame, it can get a bit crowded. Still, we make a go of it, happily going elbow to elbow on pub benches, ten-body deep outside bars and cramming at least fifteen chairs around a tiny pavement bistro table.

There are, however, a few ways around this. Start by not picking pub gardens that have featured in every Evening Standard round up since the dawn of time (The Albion in Islington for example. Undoubtedly beautiful but, as a result, rammed). Go for something lesser known, like the recently re-furbed Alwyne Castle just down the road. You'll not only get an equal-sized garden, but sun beds, heated cabanas, an outside bar and a barbeque to boot.

Crazily, before people rocked up and prayed for a small queue, we used to do this thing called booking tables. Which, you'll be pleased as punch to know, you can still do at many of London's most exclusive roof top bars. The Sky Lounge at DoubleTree by Hilton hotel is a good shout. Or restaurants such as Stevie Parle's Dock Kitchen on Ladbrook Grove (huge outside terrace), classic French Mayfair spot Boulestin (adorable courtyard with heaters) and the rooftop at Caprice Holding's South East Asian stalwart Bam Bou at the bottom of Charlotte Street.

I hereby give you permission to go forth and be sozzled for the rest of summer. As long as you're smart about it.

Mindful Managers Care More Readily

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I teach mindfulness from time to time to groups of senior executives at one of the UK's leading financial services organisations. These are ambitious people with big jobs. They have only a few steps left on their career paths and the organisation wants to help them make those. That's where programmes like my Art of Mindful Leadership training come in.

Usually, I'm preceded in my teaching by another trainer, a philosopher who specialises in business ethics. As part of his session, the executives each fill-in a detailed questionnaire that assesses their individual leadership style. What shocks many of these leaders is the extent to which their profiles show that at work they exhibit low levels of care. "But I'm a caring person," you hear people say. "I care for my family, for my community and friends. It's not that I don't care."

It shouldn't surprise us at all that those results show up, in fact, we should expect them. Any executive in financial services since 2007 has, until only very recently, been living through an unprecedented crisis. The hours they put in are brutal, the stakes are vertiginously high. For some, it can feel like climbing a rock face without a rope - day after day after day.

This particular organisation has pulled through the crisis and they're in good shape now, but it was never easy and their leaders have often felt forced to just get their heads down and grind through, putting in the hours, churning through their tasks.

When you work like that, you generally don't feel you have time for the people who work for you. You're getting it done, they need to get it done. That's all there is to it.

This is where mindfulness training enters the picture. We know from studies like the famous Good Samaritan Experiment that when people feel stressed and needing to rush, their inclination to care for others dramatically declines. It's just how we're wired and there's nothing to be gained from berating people about that. That just makes things worse for everyone. Instead, wise organisations help their people to deal with that sense of stress and rush. In the words of a great CEO I've worked with, they provide their people with the tools to "lead effortlessly".

That's easily said. How do you do it?

Here's one piece of the jigsaw -

A consortium of business schools and executive training organisations, including INSEAD - the prestigious Paris-based business school, was tasked by the European Commission to discover, amongst other things, the most effective ways of enabling business managers to make socially responsible decisions. The study involved a collaborative investigation of the attitudes of 300 managers across 20 multinational companies. They trialled a number of interventions with these managers and the results were astonishing.

To quote from their RESPONSE report:

The standard executive education approach based on engaged discussions and case analyses fails to facilitate managers to shift towards higher probabilities to make socially responsible decisions.


On the other hand, coaching programs based on introspection and meditation techniques, without any discussion about CSR topics, exhibit a significant impact on both the probability to act in a socially responsible way and on the factors that influence the probability to behave that way.


What the research consortium found when they drilled into the data was quite simple. When you teach people to meditate their levels of care and concern naturally go up. They taught a cohort of managers to meditate and, compared to managers in similar circumstances who were simply 'taught' that they ought to care more, the meditators levels of care and concern rose significantly. That naturally increased their inclination to make more socially responsible decisions.

When people turn their attention to their own experiencing from moment to moment for a short time each day they become more familiar with themselves. In a sense, they come home to themselves. As a result, they become kinder to themselves. More deeply sensing their own humanity, they more easily see the humanity of others and that sense of common humanity raises their levels of care and concern.

It's not rocket science. It's really simple. Leaders who train in mindfulness care more. And that's better for all of us.

When Mind Does Matter

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Is the customer always right? Often not, but the success of any business relies on pleasing most of the people most of the time, and Personal Training is no different. But when you are dealing with people's health things aren't always so straight forward. Maintaining optimal health is hard in a society so at odds with promoting it - a society ravaged by food and beverage marketing which makes high sugar, highly processed products seem integral to our Culture, yet a society where only the slimmest most perfectly proportioned bodies are celebrated.

If a client comes to me and says he or she want to lose weight, what if that client is already a healthy weight? What if their intended weight loss will make them underweight? Do I help them? Do I take the job? I always talk to people about their motivations but when it comes to weight most people are irrationally attached to social ideals of acceptability.

It's tragic that even when we are a healthy weight we often feel we don't look alright. And for many others just being 'alright' isn't good enough. Their self esteem is so low that they feel they have to look so much more than 'ok' to be 'enough', so integral is their appearance to their sense of self worth.

Recently a woman came to me with four pounds weight loss as a goal. So what's the big deal? Does four pounds one way or the other really matter? Well she was borderline underweight at her starting weight so a loss of four pounds would not make her healthier, in fact potentially the reverse. Whilst I explained all this to her I did look at her diet and help her make some healthier decisions about food - she didn't eat much but what she did eat was high in sugar and highly processed, albeit it disguised as healthy (e.g. pre-packed porridges, Cuppa Soups, crackers).

The woman followed my advice and came back to me a fortnight later two pounds heavier. My client felt frustrated. I had not 'delivered'. But had I? My job was to promote optimal health. My client admitted she was far more energised, her skin had cleared, her mood swings had levelled - but none of this was good enough. I felt unwilling to suggest any more drastic nutritional restrictions but I did discuss with her the merits of various other 'diets'. She chose a diet plan, exercised hard with me three times a week and lost the weight. Did it make her happier? No, she wants to lose more... and so it goes on.

I am not qualified as a counsellor (although I did once meet a personal training taking a psychology degree because so many of his clients used him as their 'treadmill shrink') , however bolstering self esteem can be an important aspect of client motivation. And whilst we are in no position to offer advice on personal issues, we are in a great position to listen.

Society has some topsy turvy values when it comes to the body, and trying to retain an ethical standpoint in a consumerist world has it's challenges. Like any other business I want to please the customer, but sometimes in Personal Training, when the body is in good shape, it's the mind you have to change.

World Cup Villain Luis Suarez Immortalised As Bitey Nipple Clamps By Sex Toy Firm (NSFW PICTURES)

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Ever since that unfortunate incident during the Uruguay v Italy game, striker Luis Suarez has been variously immortalised as Jaws, Hannibal Lecter and Count Dracula.

And now his toothy visage has been emblazoned across a sex toy.

Before you wince and clamp your legs tightly shut, fear not… we don’t mean that type of sex toy.

luis suarez nipple clamps

Rather, Suarez is now the face of these charming nipple clamps.

Online sex toy store Oliver & Eva unveiled the creation on Friday, with store director Tobias Lundqvist remarking: “We are passionate about football and love everything about the sport. Not just the game.

“We love the culture, the spirit, and even these weird incidents that make this World Cup so much more memorable.”

luis suarez nipple clamps

Memorable in a “I simply must have a pair of £25 Luis Suarez nipple clamps dangling from my chest” way, presumably.

Lundqvist added: “Maybe we should sent him a sample. He might be proud to spread a bit of pleasure and love, despite his material on the field.”

luis suarez nipple clamps

Luis Suarez Bites Giorgio Chiellini: The Funniest Twitter Reactions

























As did Gifs:




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And of course, some witty one-liners:




























































Meet The Woman Who's Slept With More Than 10,000 Men (And Counting)

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It's safe to say that anyone who's spent time working in the sex industry will have more than a few notches on their bedpost. But one woman really takes the biscuit.

After 15 years working as an escort in Australia, Gwyneth Montenegro has slept with 10,091 men (and counting).

Let that sink in for a while.

gwyneth montenegro

Now, having retired from the industry, she's written a book entitled '10,000 Men And Counting' that exposes the reality of life working in the sex industry.

Ms Montenegro - as she was known in the trade - retired aged 33 after a roller-coaster 15 years that were filled with extreme highs and devastating lows.

She eventually left the industry after meeting her current business partner, but it wasn't the first time she'd tried to throw in the towel.

SEE ALSO:

These Unsettling Photographs Show A Different Side To Sex Workers

High-Class Escort Reveals How Many Free Meals, Pairs Of Shoes And Flights She's Had Over A Year


Ms Montenegro had previously tried to give up her job to become a pilot, but unfortunate circumstances - she was diagnosis with kidney failure and unable to apply for a new pilot licence - meant she fell back into her old ways.

We caught up with her to find out more about her experiences as an escort.

Can you remember your first client - if so, what was it like?

At the time I was in a very bad place emotionally so it was a rather surreal and out of body experience. I remember having a few scotches before I went to work to do my first shift; I needed dutch courage.

I'd been a dancer for the previous three years and so taking my clothing off for strangers had become rather normal. But when I saw my first client naked, it really hit me - I would actually have to have intercourse with him.

Thank goodness I was quite drunk and just imagined having sex with someone else to block him out - and before you know it, it was over.

Once you complete the deed and exchanged your body for money once, what is done is done.

What was the high point and the low point during your career?

The high point of my career was when I was working for an elite escort agency in my mid-twenties and earning a lot of money per hour. This would be sometimes between $500- $1000 per hour (£272-545).

The low point of my career was taking the cocaine and speed five times a week for about 6-8 months and just bouncing off the walls constantly on a high. When the drugs wore off and then crashing and feeling so isolated and lonely once the drugs wore off. I hardly had any friends and didn't know how to relate to people. I felt very alone in the world. I began to resent being on the outside of society and had some major walls up.

Story continues below...


Why did you decide to quit?

Deep down I loathed my job and the isolation that came with it. I was totally disconnected with the world. I hated people and I hated myself even more.

What advice would you give women considering becoming escorts to pay their bills?

It's not for me to say "don't do it". At the end of the day financial pressures have forced most of us into doing something we dislike to settle the debts. Having said that I would strongly suggest that if there is an alternative, choose the alternative. The sex industry comes with it's own baggage that can affect you for a lifetime.

What has being an escort taught you about sex into terms of advising other women?

That most men really love to please their woman sexually. They want to know what pleases you and they want to deliver that.

It's not all about them. It's about you. Nothing pleases a man more than knowing that he has fulfilled you.

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What did being diagnosed with kidney failure teach you about life, and how did you emerge from it stronger?

To be honest, looking back, I felt as though I had wasted the vast majority of my life in frivolous activity and in doing so managed to lose contact with most people whom I had previously loved. Suddenly I was faced with the very real reality of losing my life.

After losing so much of myself during the past years it was devastating to accept that my life could end and mean nothing to anyone. At that moment I understood, or at least started to understand the value of friends and family.

Obviously circumstances eventually had me return to the job that I loathed but deep inside I never forgot the lessons learned that day.

Gwyneth Montenegro is represented by uniquemediaPR.

Man V Food Star Adam Richman And Professor Green Use #Thinspiration - The Internet Disapproves

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There are certain events that remind us how much we still have to learn about handling the internet, from Sally Bercow's libelous tweets to trolls that think it's okay to issue hugely offensive and upsetting threats to people they have never met.

Another area where certain rules need to be put in place is around the issue of tagging, and people being more mindful about what they are aligning themselves with.

adam richman

Case in point: Professor Green has managed to upset eating disorder charities after allegedly posting a jokey tweet of his wife, Millie Mackintosh, with the hashtag thinspiration. Twitter saw a flurry of activity with users replying to his tweet agreeing with him.



In the same day, Adam Richman of Man V Food fame who famously shed weight after his job made him obese, also upset people after posting a picture on Instagram with the caption: "Had ordered this suit from a Saville Row tailor over a year ago. Think I'm gonna need to take it in a little …#thinspiration". After people criticised him on the social media site, he lashed out with comments such as: 'Oh eat a bag of shit, dummy' and 'DILLIGAF' (which means Does it look like I give a fuck?), reported The Guardian.

Thing escalated when he told a user to commit suicide with razor blades and BuzzFeed reported that the Travel Channel has delayed his new show, with no confirmation on whether this is due to his outburst.

Coming from a place of neutrality, we hardly think that either party intended to glorify thinspiration - a term that has been appropriated by pro-ana and bulimia sites that insidiously worships women who are - on the face of it - too thin to be healthy.


SEE ALSO:

Emilia Clarke Isn't Allowed Cream or Sugar in Her Tea and Why This Worries Me

Alexa Chung and Body Snarking: Why Our Addiction to Critiquing Women's Bodies Must Stop


But - that doesn't quite excuse it either. Vice in Germany published a piece around the incredibly insensitive hashtags and photos that people are posting on Instagram with them contorting into happy jumps over the Holocaust Memorial in Berlin using tags such as #instacaust #yolocaust and #feelgood.

Sheila Hageman, women's empowerment speaker and HuffPost UK blogger said: "Body image is a very sensitive topic right now, as it should be. With the alarmingly high rate of eating disorders, as a community, we need to be vigilant. Using a hashtag that is widely known to represent the encouragement of thinness at the expense of nothing, should not be celebrated.

"Of course, I don't believe in censorship either. I think the social media backlash has been strong enough to discourage others from using #thinspiration in jest, otherwise, one may face a social media firestorm! Society has spoken on the side of non-bullying, you could say. Use #thinspiration at your own risk."

Although Professor Green has now since deleted his tweets, there is no denying that this is an issue that needs to be nipped in the bud.

Eating disorders charity B-eat said that celebrities do need to think about how body image affects a lot of people, especially women - and the number of people enthusiastically agreeing with Green about Millie being great thinspiration fodder should prove that.

The spokesperson said: "‘With the growth of social media sites comes more pressure on individuals to aspire to often unhealthy and even dangerously underweight role models. Those in the public eye with the opportunity to encourage and influence should remember that they are icons for many young people and think responsibly about the messages they are conveying."

For women who do think thinspiration is great, Jess Shanahan, blogger at Feeling Stylish, writes: "I don't think everyone who uses the terms 'thinspo' and 'thinspiration' is pro-anorexia and I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to obtain a healthier physique. However, those terms have been adopted by pro-anorexia groups and girls who want to get down to an unhealthy weight. Millie Mackintosh works out and is toned, of course people want that kind of body.

"Thinspiration isn't (or shouldn't be) about starving yourself but about finding inspiration in people who have good bodies. We're all different in what we aspire to but personally I think 'fitspo' is more healthy and achievable goal. 'Thinspo' girls are usually naturally thin and don't have bodies that can be achieved by the average woman through exercise and diet."

Sam Thomas, who regularly blogs about eating disorders from a male perspective, says that if you post things on social media, you have to take responsibility for it.

"The rise of social networks in recent years has meant 'thinspiration' communities have grown and more accessible. Young women in-particular will turn to these sites ignoring health for their quest to be thin - and the thinner, the better. Images like Millie's post gym work out photos will be gold-dust to these communities and endorsing her ever shrinking physique."

For help with eating disorders, visit the B-eat website or call the helpline on 0845 634 1414.

New Forest Retreats: Careys Manor Hotel and Spa

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Nine times out of ten getting away for a weekend on a Friday evening is super-stressful. When you do finally manage to find your way through the traffic and the commuter crowds, you arrive at your destination late, hot and bothered, feeling like you've done battle, and it takes well into the next day to start to relax.


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Not so with my weekend at Careys Manor. A hour and half train ride from London, then a quick hop, skip and a jump from the train station, and you're there. Careys Manor is a 19th century hunting lodge in the middle of the New Forest. With its cosy sofas, log fires and quintessentially English gardens it's got all the ingredients for a perfect country weekend away from it all. One of the must-dos on a sunny day - order a champagne tea of cucumber sandwiches, scones and cakes and enjoy outside in the cooling shade of the stunning cypress tree that stands at the entrance to the hotel.

Without doubt Careys Manor's jewel in the crown is its state-of-the-art Thai-inspired SenSpa. With its impressive hydrotherapy rooms and Thai-trained therapists, why fly long haul when you can visit the New Forest instead? To stay a night without paying a visit to the spa would not do your weekend justice.

The Room
Oakwood Garden Room. A generously-proportioned room with a living area (sofa, armchair and coffee table) overlooking the gorgeous gardens. This room is literally a few steps away from the spa. Getting a room as near as you can to the spa is my little inside tip - it means you don't have to troop there in your civvies and get changed in the changing room. Instead you can go there straight from your room in your spa robe and avoid that awkward feeling you sometimes get when passing fully-dressed hotel guests in corridors.


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The Spa
Using SenSpa treatments, the spa's philosophy is to combine Eastern and Western treatments and philosophies to 'evoke tranquility, restore inner calm and renew energy levels.' There are over 17 luxurious treatment rooms including a double treatment room, a wide choice of luxury spa therapies, and a 14 metre ozone treated swimming pool. The highlight is the hydrotherapy rooms, with its large hydrotherapy pool, herbal sauna, and crystal steam rooms with twinkling star lights on the ceiling. There is a Laconicum (for people who find saunas too hot and steam rooms too humid) and a Tepidarium, a chill-out room with heated loungers. It also features a Rhassoul Mud Room, where therapists apply detoxifying mud treatments all over your body, face and hair, and then you sit back, enjoy gentle lavender-infused steam and wait while the clay absorbs toxins and nourishes your skin.


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One of the highlights is the Experience Showers - choose from 'Tropical' or 'Atlantic' and different jets of mist and water will massage you from above and the sides, along with flashing coloured 'disco' lights and cleansing herbal smells. One even has a lightning and thunder bolt so you really feel like you are caught in a tropical thunderstorm. Fun.

The Treatment
Aromatic Slimming Massage. The blurb says 'A sight pressure, stimulating massage using classic lymphatic techniques to help drain excess fluid, which in turn helps the body to eliminate toxins' and as far as massages go, this was certainly up there at the top as one of the best. My Thai therapist worked to unknot my shoulders (sleeping in a new bed had left me with a stiff neck the night before) and energise my sore legs, a product of my morning's run in the New Forest when I took the wrong path and had run too far.


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The Products
Good news you can now extend your trip and take a little piece of SenSpa home with you with their Body Therapy skincare range, a collection of products that have been specially designed to strengthen your skin's own natural resistance to the effects of ageing and environmental influences. Choose from Relaxing, Detoxing or Nourishing fragrances.
www.senspa.co.uk/senspa_natural_body_therapy.html

To Eat
I took breakfast in the hotel's Zen Garden Thai Restaurant attached to the spa and overlooking their zen-themed courtyard of bonsai trees and bamboo. I had a free choice of anything I desired - cooked breakfast, fruit, cereals, yoghurt, eggs anyway-you-like - but it was the delicious green Detox Smoothies that I quickly became addicted to. Dinner, taken in the elegant two AA Rosette Manor Restaurant, did not disappoint either. Cooking with fresh ingredients means the menu changes frequently. I loved it because not only was the food spot on, but the vegetarian menu was as delicious as the meat-eaters' one, which shows thought and attention-to-detail from the head chef. Top marks.


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Don't Miss
A stroll, bike ride (or in my case run) through the magical New Forest, which is literally a two minute walk from the hotel. Go early and you will see deer, rabbits and of course, the famous New Forest ponies plodding the gravel tracks that criss-cross the woods. Pass girl and boy scout troops heading to the campsites that dot the forest. Head out onto the heath, and play 'if only' whenever you come across the picture-perfect Hansel and Gretel-esque cottages, then stop at a pub for a wee restorative drink before you head back to the hotel. Well, it would be rude not to.

Words: Lucy Dunn

The Deal
Zen Spa Escape Break (Sun - Thurs) includes:
  • One night bed & breakfast, £40pp dining in a choice of restaurants

  • Full use of leisure and spa facilities

  • A two course Thai lunch served in The Zen Garden Thai restaurant

  • A choice of classes

To book visit: www.senspa.co.uk or call: 01590 623 551.

www.careysmanor.com

www.the-spa-spy.com

Lads Mags Loaded And Stuff Have Removed Images Of Naked Women From Their Covers - About Time!

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Have lads mags finally learned to respect women?

The relaunch cover of Loaded doesn't contain any nude lady pictures, and their new look isn't a one off. Hallelujah!

According to The Evening Standard, a spokesperson from Simian Publishing, which took over Loaded late last year, said they'd made a conscious decision to remove naked women from their covers.

"We’re going to be far more discerning and sophisticated from now on," they said.




Loaded have added some extra clothing inside the mag too. The latest edition features a Q and A with actress Olympia Valance - she's fully clothed and is celebrated for her talent, rather than just her body.

And there's more good news - Loaded isn't the only lads mag cleaning up their act.

Stuff magazine will also be moving away from 'traditional cover girl' exteriors.

Stuff's editor-in-chief Will Findlater said: "Stuff was launched in 1996 at the peak of the lad mag era. The covers used to help our position on the newsstand but our research tells us this is no longer the case."

So what's wrong with a few boobies on a few glossy pages?

Well, apart from these images being inappropriate if spotted by children in newsagents, they can also be damaging to both men and women.

Speaking to HuffPost UK Lifestyle, public engagement lecturer B.J. Epstein said: "Sexualised images of women are harmful to both men and women.

"Women are more than their bodies but if they are only depicted in the media as scarcely dressed objects to look at and lust over, it's easy to forget that women are full human beings, just as men are.

"This creates a situation where women don't realise that they have all the same skills and choices that men do, and it also makes it hard for men to relate to women in an everyday way."

SEE ALSO:

Jodie Marsh Provokes Feminist Debate On Twitter After Anti 'Lose The Lads Mags' Campaign Comments (NSFW)

Lads' Mags: Objectification Is Bad, But So Are Censorship and Sexual Repression


While campaigners to get lads mags off the shelves in supermarkets may be relieved at this milestone redesign, there is still more work to be done. Take No More Page 3 (NMP3) - the campaign started by Lucy Anne Holmes to get boobs banned from the paper.

Speaking about Loaded and Stuff's decision to update their covers, NMP3 spokesperson Jo Harrison said: "That these magazines that used to use images of female flesh as a stock-in-trade have changed their tune is fab.

"We can speak up if we want change, it doesn't matter if we're customers or not, since the media helps shape the world as much as describe it so mags/papers etc treating the genders equally can only be a good thing and the publications that want to remain relevant will listen."

Although Loaded and Stuff's decision to upgrade their covers is a step in the right direction, B.J. pointed out that more needs to be done to achieve gender equality.

"Many industries, including lad mags, need to be updated to reflect where our society is at today. I question where lad mags are really needed at all.

"Do men and women have such different interests and needs? Why not have, say, magazines that focus on sport or music or gaming or whatever else and that appeal to readers across genders, races, ages, sexualities, religions, etc.? Wouldn't that be novel?"

We're waiting with baited breath to see if The Sun takes note...

What Stance Should Employers Take on E-Cigarettes in the Workplace?

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As the debate continues about the health benefits or consequences of electronic cigarettes, employers must take care when making a decision about whether staff should be allowed to use them at work.

The lack of agreement among health professionals about the benefits or otherwise of e-cigarettes is making it a difficult for employers to know how to treat their use at work. More than 50 leading scientists from 15 countries have appealed to the World Health Organisation (WHO) to ensure e-cigarettes are not classified as the same as traditional cigarettes. On the other hand, ministers in France are reportedly banning their use in public places (bars, restaurants and other public spaces), while a similar move is being debated in Wales.

Regardless, we know that the number of e-cigarette smokers in the UK has increased from 700,000 to two million in the past two years, after figures were released by the anti-tobacco charity Ash (Action on Smoking and Health). Furthermore, the research shows that a third of users are, in fact, ex-smokers and two thirds are existing smokers.

Without regulation, employers need to make their own decisions about whether to permit e-cigarette smoking in the workplace and if so, where and when. Whatever the employer's chosen stance happens to be, they then need to communicate this clearly to the workforce.

E-cigarettes pose a real dilemma for employers. As employees wait for employers to make their mind up about what they want to do, employees are being left in limbo wondering whether or not it is acceptable to 'vape' in the workplace. In the absence of a clear stance, some employees have already started 'vaping' in the workplace, which has caused some of their colleagues to express their discontent.

Employers need to develop a policy and spell it out clearly. Failing to do so will undoubtedly lead to employees creating their own rules, which could create workplace tension and potentially lead to disputes.

Some employers may be reluctant to tackle the issue of e-cigarettes, however.

Employers may be delaying introducing a policy because they don't want to take a stance on e-cigarettes until more is known about the effects. A particular stance could offend other smokers, especially if there has been a history of complaints about smoking breaks.

There is also the tricky issue of where e-cigarette smokers should be allowed to go to 'vape' and in particular, whether they should be allowed to 'vape' in the office. Employers would be wise to side-step this issue by requiring smokers and e-cigarette smokers alike to 'smoke outdoors'.

E-cigarettes are tobacco-free devices and were introduced as an alternative to conventional tobacco products. It is alleged that the battery-powered versions contain less harmful chemicals and they are marketed as a 'safer' alternative to regular smoking, or as a way to quit. However, health minister Mark Drakeford has recently expressed his fears that the e-cigarette movement is 'renormalising' smoking, and employers are being left to battle with a long-list of issues related to 'vaping'. These issues include the potential unsettling of non-smoking employees, the effects of inhaling second-hand vapour or even the practical issues of their disposal and fire hazards.

Regardless of whether these fears about e-cigarettes are justified or not, most employers feel that the fact that they exist at all is reason enough to ban them inside the workplace. Major employers, such as JCB and the University Hospital of North Staffordshire, are amongst those that have led the way by introducing bans, as a result of these concerns. More recently, councils in Newcastle and Cheshire East seem set to join them and impose bans on e-cigarettes.

Whatever the fate of the controversial e-cigarette and its use in the workplace, it's a subject that will continue to be surrounded by uncertainty for some time yet.

Paula Whelan, head of employment law at Shakespeares

Breaking the Erectile Dysfunction Taboo

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Sexual problems like erectile dysfunction often top the list of conditions that people shy away from talking about. But this 'keep quiet, and carry on' tactic means that many are suffering in silence.

Around one in every 10 men has a sex-related problem, such as erectile dysfunction (ED), but it's an issue some find very difficult to discuss with friends, partners or even a doctor.

New research commissioned by the Pharmacy2U Online Doctor service has revealed that the 'embarrassment factor' is putting men off seeking treatment. The findings, published this week, show one in every three (37%) ED sufferers admits they have opted not to seek help, the majority saying it would be too 'embarrassing'.

The downside of keeping quiet

Ignoring erection problems can be incredibly frustrating, both physically and mentally.
It can lead to loss of confidence, stress and relationship troubles. The actual cause of the symptoms may be left undiscovered too.

People are often unaware that ED can be linked to various conditions and for some the reason they are having difficulties achieving or sustaining an erection could be an indication of a potentially serious medical condition.

There are a huge number of things that can cause ED - ranging from low testosterone and other hormonal imbalances, to high cholesterol and even heart disease. It could also have psychological origins, such as anxiety or depression.

However, one of the most common causes is diabetes and it's often advisable for the patient to undergo tests, such as blood sugar.

Men of all ages

Most men may fail to get an erection from time to time - perhaps if they're feeling tired or distracted, but this is usually just temporary. For others though, it can be a persistent problem.
Half of men over 40 are likely to have some erection difficulties, with the problem becoming more prevalent in older men. However, ED is a common condition that can affect men of all ages.

Tackling the problem

For the majority of ED sufferers, medical treatment is extremely effective. There are various prescription medications available to tackle the problem. Viagra is the brand name most people are familiar with, but there are a number of drugs available, including generic versions of the famous 'blue pill'. As with all medications, these prescription-only drugs need to come from a reputable source, as the UK and the internet can be awash with rogue suppliers.

For some, psychotherapy can hold the answer, whereas others try herb-based remedies. Interestingly, our research showed that a third (35 per cent) of 18 to 34s with ED use herbal treatments, such as L-Arginine, Ginseng and Ginkgo.

Making lifestyle choices can often help, such as reducing alcohol intake, stopping smoking and changing eating habits.

What's harder to change is people's reluctance to break the taboo that surrounds ED. Yes, sexual problems can be embarrassing and you may feel like you or your partner are the only ones dealing them, but the odds are some of your closest friends have probably experienced something similar - or could well do in the future.

Facing up to ED makes it easier to seek medical support. So you can tackle the symptoms and check there's not a more sinister root cause.

13 Things You Shouldn't Ever Microwave - Including Raisins, Travel Mugs And Takeaway Boxes

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You may scoff my friend, but microwave safety is an important matter.

Put the wrong thing in the microwave and it'll do far more than heat up - so if you value your health (and the contents of your house), listen up.

There are some things that you'll probably know shouldn't go in the microwave, like aluminum foil. But, there are also things that you probably think can go in the microwave, but in reality they never should. Ever.

One of these is a travel mug. Stainless steel travel mugs actually block the waves from heating the liquid inside, which can damage your microwave.

Styrofoam takeaway boxes are also a big no-no - they're a form of plastic and can be potentially dangerous.

And don't go thinking that microwaving all food is safe, oh no.

Heat raisins and they're likely to smoke. Heat grapes and they may catch fire.

Seriously guys, use your microwave with caution.

SEE ALSO:

How To Microwave Eggs (And Still Want To Eat Them)

Your Popcorn Is Trying To Kill You!

Human Barbie Valeria Lukyanova Has Competition In This Human Doll

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Human Barbie Valeria Lukyanova has competition - meet Alina Kovalevskaya, a walking, talking, living doll.

The 21-year-old has made a splash with her YouTube videos showing off her doll-like charms - which she claims to have achieved without the help of plastic surgery.

Alina said: "From adolescence, I loved to change my image. It started when I was 13 years old.

"Since then I love to try something new. Now I have the image of a Barbie doll. I consider big eyes, small noses and small plump lips as beautiful."

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The real-life Barbie hails from from Odessa, Ukraine - the same city as Valeria Lukyanov, who has made headlines around the world for her unique look and controversial opinions.

The pair were once friends, but their relationship has since soured.

The real-life doll added: “I have had certain misunderstandings with her after which we ceased to communicate. There was a certain negative attitude from her towards me and we were often quarrelling because of that and now we do not communicate.

"I know this person better now, I learned who she is while we had this confusion and I realised that she is not a person with whom I would like to talk or even be friends.”

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Alina has 22,000 followers on Russian social network VK, and Alina is frequently bombarded with autograph requests, declarations of love and even marriage proposals - but she is still looking for love.

"I still have not met a worthy candidate for a serious relationship," she says.

The real-life doll, who also studies psychology and social work at Odessa University, is on the lookout for a husband, and says she would like to have two children and perhaps even adopt a child on day.

The elfin-faced beauty admits her parents find her Barbie look "a bit strange" and that her style sometimes attracts negative comments, but chooses not to take such remarks to heart.

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"Some people like my image, some do not . But I take it as neutral. It's impossible to please everyone," Alina says.

The model has metre-long blonde hair and often wears contact lenses that give the effect of a blank, doll-like stare.

And despite living by the sea, Alina steers clear of sunbathing on beach in order to retain her milky-white complexion.


SEE ALSO:

Human Barbie Is A 'Racist Space Alien' Says GQ

Not So Plastic Fantastic: Real Life Ken & Barbie Engage In A Slanging Match


Surprisingly Alina grew up as a tomboy, adding: "I made friends mainly with boys so we were fighting for toy cars.

"I was not a big Barbie fan as a child, I just find this character interesting in human shape. In childhood I never had Barbie and played with the most ordinary dolls. I initially wanted to be just similar to the doll and then I decided to look like Barbie."

The 21-year-old dreams of living in a house in the woods or mountains with her dream man, and of one day opening a clinic.

And despite the conflict gripping the Ukraine, Alina is happy to remain a Barbie Girl in her own Barbie World.

"I'm dissatisfied with the situation in the country hope will be no war. Nevertheless I am an apolitical person I will not vote because none of the candidates inspire me any confidence," she said.

"I think we do not need to rely on any politicians, only on your own strength."

Hilariously Inappropriate Spelling Mistakes From Innocent Kids

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Warning: contains adult language

Kids do the funniest things. And often without even realising.

Take spelling for example. Just one letter out of place and a seemingly innocent cartoon is transformed into a lurid doodle. (Not that we're complaining, of course.)

Behold.

cook

And this unfortunate soul isn't the only child to make a spelling faux pas, it turns out it's quite en trend in kidsville.

The spelling mistakes range from the well intended letter to a solider...




To an unfortunate classroom mistake...



Or two...



Scroll through the slideshow for more hilarious spelling mistakes. You won't regret it...

Hollywood, I've Got a Bone to Pick With You

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When we were little girls we listened to fairy tales like Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty. As we grew up, we watched movies like Pretty Woman. All contribute to fairy-tale brainwash, the belief that the right man or woman will just show up in our life at the right place and right time, without us having to do anything to make it happen.

I first started thinking about the impact of Hollywood on relationships and single women, when one of my clients, who had been single for 10 years, was talking about the movie Pretty Woman. She knew every line of the movie by heart, to the extent that she could quote from it. As well as waiting for that guy to show up, she also had very high, narrow expectations about the kind of guy she would date. A 2009 study has looked into this issue. Contradictory Messages: A Content Analysis of Hollywood-Produced Romantic Comedy Feature Films, and found that romantic comedies gives us unrealistic expectations about relationships.

The fairy-tale brainwash also makes us believe that the man you end up with is going to be a certain kind of person - they are going to be like the prince or hero in the movies; tall, dark, handsome, and rich. We then feel that if they are not like the men from the films that they can't be the right person.

Occasionally it does happen; a film star meets an everyday person (George Clooney and his new fiancé, human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin). Or a prince meets a normal girl who is one of us (Prince William and Kate Middleton) just like in the fairy-tales, just like in the movies and in the novels. But building your life around these rare events is like basing your career choices on winning the lottery.

Traditionally Hollywood reinforced these romantic ideals with movies such as Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella. Recent Hollywood movies Frozen and Maleficent are taking a different tone. In Maleficent (an alternative take on Sleeping Beauty) the heroine is brutally betrayed by the man she loves who becomes such a bitter enemy that she curses his baby daughter Aurora. In Frozen, Hans the perfect Disney prince turns out to be the bad guy, and Kristoff, the iceman (who delivers ice in a wagon) and is not your typical prince, turns out to be the romantic love interest, and neither are central to the plot. So perhaps Hollywood has learned its lesson - for the younger generation it is now providing a more realistic portrayal of love. Sadly this is a bit late for previous generations of women.

One of my early clients thought the Hollywood romantic comedies were so detrimental to her love life that she didn't want to watch them anymore. Sometimes though we can enjoy something without realising the impact it is having on us and our beliefs about relationships. When we enjoy romantic comedies and watch our favourites over and over again, it can be like a subtle form of brainwashing so we end up believing that this is how our love lives should be. Growing up what books did you read? What movies did you watch? What shaped you - is it working for you? Do you love romantic comedies? If so you need to be conscious of the impact this may be having on your love life.
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